Britney Spears' Tragic Family Secrets

We have been duped. Britney Spears promised us she wouldn't swipe her V-card until she got married, only to reveal she had already slept with Justin Timberlake. Now Us Weekly is revealing that Britney actually did the deed with her first love, Reg Jones, when she was only 14.

Us is also unveiling a terrible secret family history of the Spears family. Her paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, committed suicide at the age of 31. She had given birth to a boy eight years earlier who passed away after only three days and took her life by shooting herself in the chest on his grave. Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before this. She left behind four children, including Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, and two other boys that ended up homeless with criminal records. All this and more in the new issue that hits newsstands Wednesday.

- Awww, isn't Nicole Richie just the sweetest? She's donating all of her baby gifts to 100 needy families.

- Simon Cowell revealed that he has had Botox. Thank you for letting us know, Captain Obvious.

- Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized with a kidney infection on Monday. Not that I'm jumping to any conclusions, but do you know what can cause a kidney infection? A little too much lovin', that's what.

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers filed a lawsuit against Showtime on Monday for violating a federal trademark law. The band's 1999 album "Californication" was "the signature CD, video and song of the band's career. For some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right." The lawsuit calls for Showtime to stop using the name as the title of their show starring David Duchovny and give the band any profits made on the show.

- Bill Nye "The Science Guy" has filed a restraining order against his wife, who he claims tried to poison him. Wait a minute... I haven't seen ol' Bill Nye for years, and all of the sudden he turns up on "America's Most Smartest Model" and someone tried to kill him? What a comeback! Meet the new Brad Pitt, ladies and gents.

- The inquest into the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, finally began on Monday. Daniel died in a Bahamas hospital three days after his mom gave birth to sister Dannielynn on September 10, 2006.

- "The Bachelor" Brad Womack is still very much a bachelor...

- What did you think of the "Weeds" season finale? I don't know what to think! I don't want to reveal too much for those who DVRed it, but I was a bit perplexed by the ending. Hence the term "cliffhanger." Will Nancy and Conrad ever end up happily ever after? Maybe in Pittsburgh? I guess we will have to wait until next year to find out!

Photo: Us Weekly

Nicole Kidman Testifies, Britney Spears Loses Lawsuit, Kanye West Breaks Down, and More

Nicole Kidman showed up to court today in Sydney to give testimony that she feared a paparazzi chase would end in a car wreck two years ago. She claimed she was "really, really scared" and reduced to tears from the traumatic event. Nicole also said, "I have been pursued many times... I employ people to protect me now. I employ people 24 hours to protect myself because I don't feel equipped to handle things."

- Kanye West broke down while performing his song "Hey Mamma" at a Paris concert. Kanye's mother, Donda West, passed away last weekend due to complications with plastic surgery. He became visibly upset and had to be consoled by members of his band before leaving the stage. He did come back out refreshed to perform an encore of "Stronger" after taking a fifteen minute break to compose himself. Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor that performed Donda's surgery, will appear on "Larry King Live" tomorrow to give his side of the story.

- Louis Vuitton has won a lawsuit against Britney Spears in Paris for "bastardizing their logo and tarnishing the company image."

- Just in case you are keeping score, it is now K-Fed: 11, Britney: 0. K-Fed found out he gets the kids for Turkey Day. Britney will celebrate the holiday with the kids on Wednesday. I hear she is having the event catered by KFC.

- Nicole Richie had a Wizard of Oz themed baby shower this weekend with over 90 guests. Richie has yet to confirm the sex of her and Joel Madden's baby, but some guests did bring gifts for a boy.

- Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested yesterday in a Dublin, Ireland airport for public drunkenness and breach of peace when trying to board a plane. He had been told twice by police to calm down while acting in "erractic, abusive behavior" before being arrested. He had been in Dublin to promote August Rush, his new movie with Keri Russell.

- The cast of Celebrity Apprentice is in: Marilu Henner from "Taxi", Piers Morgan from "America's Got Talent", Gene Simmons from Kiss, Stephen Baldwin aka the most insane Baldwin brother (not that there is much of a competition for that title), Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore from "The Sopranos", Omarosa and her horse mouth, and a bunch of other people I have never heard of. Check out the rest of the cast here.

- "Dirty Sexy Money" has been picked up for a full season by ABC. It is the first show to be picked up for a full season since the WGA went on strike November 5.

- The show must go on! The cast of "Saturday Night Live" performed their show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater this past weekend along with the originally scheduled host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo. "Saturday Night Live - On Strike!" featured never-before-seen skits performed live in front of a very small audience. America only got to see a rerun of Brian Williams' hosting gig from a few weeks ago.

- Barney finally gets his slaps on tonight's "Slapsgiving" episode of "How I Met Your Mother".

- A seven-month pregnant Juliana Margulies got hitched to lawyer Keith Lieberthal in Massachuetts.

- Timbaland is about to become a father with a woman who works at his record label, though the two are not together. Page Six reports he will be "involved in the child's upbringing."

- Orlando Bloom and Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr are dating. Who knew?

- Michael Vick surrendered himself to U.S. Marshalls today to begin serving his sentence. His trial was set to begin in three weeks, so now whatever sentence the judge gives him could end earlier than anticipated.

- Serena Williams and rapper Common are rumored to be dating.

Photo: WireImage

"Nip/Tuck" is back... And so is Pop Guru

Yo yo yo!!! After The Guru's very long hiatus, I'm back and ready to dish!

- The boys from McNamara/Troy are back and have taken up shop in Los Angeles! I can't wait to see what Season Five of "Nip/Tuck" has in store for us. It premieres tonight at 10pm on F/X. Expect lots of kooks and superficial desires. And sex. This is Christian Troy we are talking about. Guest stars this season: Oliver Platt, Bradley Cooper, and...sigh... Rosie O'Donnell.

- Britney Spears just lost custody of her kids again. Honestly, just put that trailer on wheels and head back down south. I've completely lost interest in her life, in the same way Britney has lost interest in her offspring.

- "The Hills" had their special Big Apple episode last night and I couldn't help but notice a moonlight dinner at Da Silvano was absent from the half-hour. Since I scooped them on their filming a couple months ago, I guess they felt the leak was too huge to include in the show.

- Speaking of "The Hills", there has been lots of talk of the show being fake or scripted. Um, duh. That's what makes it so delightful! Constantly wondering if Heidi and Spencer really did accidentally show up at the same restaurant as Lauren or if the producers set it up is all the fun of the show. Among the lies:

1) Heidi doesn't really work at Bolthouse Productions. WHAT?! Are you telling me that she didn't really get a promotion, too?
2) Audrina also doesn't work at Sony BMG.
3) When Lauren goes on the date with Gavin the model, she has on red nail polish. When she gets home, the polish disappears and her hair is magically curlier as she calls Brody.
4) And about that date with Gavin the model... Yeah, the producers got him to ask Lauren out. Here is his interview with Best Week Ever where he dishes all about his time on "The Hills".

- Pregnant Nicole Richie was seen smoking at two NYC restaurants, including Da Silvano. Damn it! I can't believe I missed that! But really, Nicole, bravo on the parenting. I see you've taken some lessons from Ms. Spears.

- Angelina Jolie and Cate Blanchett might be pregnant... Seeing as we haven't even gotten a confirmation from Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez yet, it may be a while until anything is confirmed on this new baby speculation.

- Despite reports that Jay Leno might stick around when his contract is up, Jeff Zucker, head of NBC, says Leno will hit the road and Conan O'Brien will take over "The Tonight Show" in 2009 as originally planned.

- Now Coolio is getting his own reality show? This is really getting out of hand. I totally forgot he even existed. That isn't to say I won't watch...

- I saw Dan in Real Life this week and I highly recommend it. The only thing wrong with this movie is the mere existence of Dane Cook, which is also what is wrong with the world.

- Apparently Fergie thinks she is Jem...



Photo: Getty Images

Knocked Up: Halle Berry Edition

Today I was riding the elevator at work and the doors opened to reveal... Chris Hansen of NBC's "Dateline: To Catch a Predator". If ever I had a sensation to wet my pants, it was staring into those eyes that have made even the wiliest of pedophiles shake in their boots. For four solemn floors alone on an elevator with Chris Hansen, I kept thinking, "At what point are the cameras going to reveal themselves? No, little girl, I don't want any of your sweet tea!" I was terrified. Guess I didn't do anything wrong because he never even glanced over at me. Whew!

- Halle Berry is with child after being impregnated by her model beau, Gabriel Aubry.

- In other baby news, Paris Hilton is trying to catch up to Nicole Richie by popping out a few. Only problem: she isn't dating anyone. Please... That's just a minor detail. Paris says, "I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I've got to get my body ready." Perhaps you should just adopt Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis. I've heard he's in need of some money.

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with the "I'm a Mac" guy Justin Long. That's a weird combo.

- Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have split after three unexciting years together.

- Jenna Fischer, aka Pam from "The Office", and her husband James Gunn have split after six years together.

- Commercials for the DVD release of Georgia Rule are airing minus one important component... Lindsay Lohan. She has been erased from the commercial, I'm assuming to help sales. Do you mind erasing the horrible memory I have of going to see this terrible train wreck of a movie? Don't believe the hype, people. They advertise it as a hysterical family romp - but it has a more depressing, pedophilia vibe to it. Steer clear, my friends. Heed my warning!

- Poor Owen Wilson. He has had a rough couple of weeks. The National Enquirer is now reporting that he has attempted suicide twice before his most recent effort. And his family is trying to keep Kate Hudson as far away from him as possible, and I can't say that I blame them.

- "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" starts next Thursday, September 13, on F/X at 10PM. Make sure you tune in! It's awesome, and wrong, but totally awesome!

I must now pack for the weekend and get some sleep!!

Photo: MSNBC

Where art thou, La Lohan?

Nicole Richie will serve her four days, if that, at the same Lynwood jail Paris Hilton stayed at. And she's finally claiming her baby, telling Diane Sawyer that she is four months along and daddy is Joel Madden. And in totally unrelated news, the ladies on "The View" discussed today how to tell your child they were an accident. No, I am not kidding. Why do you ask?

- Speaking of "The View", the new bland panelist is Whoopi Goldberg. Fun fact of the day: Did you know Whoopi had her own talk show back in the '90s? It only lasted one season, so I don't think Whoopi related to the masses. Don’t you know you have to be a lesbian to make a solo talk show soar, Whoopi? Rosie did it, Ellen did it, Oprah did it. Otherwise, you end up with a cancelled chatfest and a broken heart like Tempestt Bledsoe.

- Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced. Who would have thought that Kevin's reputation would be the one getting a boost from divorcing Brit? It's rumored that Britney, ever the example, constantly feeds her kids Doritos and soft drinks. So much that poor Sean Preston's teeth are decaying and yellowing, prompting Britney to ask a dentist about teeth whitener for the child. Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her." She's also been making death threats to the paparazzi. I think the only thing that will save her career at this point is to fake her death. Hey... It worked for Tupac.

- Lindsay Lohan is lucky this week, what with all the insane antics of Britney and the pregnant inmate Nicole. She has been able to hide her car chase from last week quite nicely amongst all the other starlets' news. She is supposedly getting help and her mother Dina is finally by her side. But they are not free from trouble just yet... Dina is being sued for not refunding $400,000 that was lent to her to help her jumpstart lil' LiLo's career all those years ago.

- Maybe Faith Hill and Tim McGraw should get some security at their concerts. At one show last weekend, one fan stole Tim's ring off his hand and another grabbed his, uh, area. Faith was having none of it, and I don't blame her! She told the crotch grabber, "Somebody should teach you some class, my friend."

- Usher's wedding to pregnant Tameka Foster was canceled last weekend. He wanted Jean Georges to cater the affair. She wanted barbecue. With an argument as important as that, naturally the nuptials were called off.

- One wedding that did end in "I do", Steve Martin married writer Anne Stringfield.

- According to Kanye West, "Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now." Well, what the hell am I supposed to call my 20 pound gold and diamond chain hanging around my neck?

- "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison may not have to serve time for his DUI that killed a young man.

- Tension is running high on MTV's "The Hills". Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag "hate each other so much" that they refuse to even promote the show together. They had to shoot promotional photos of Heidi separately and Photoshop her in. I can't wait to see how it all plays out when the third season premieres on MTV August 13 at 10pm.

- Bullocks! I just realized that the season premiere of "The Hills" conflicts with the season premiere of "Weeds"! Sorry, LC, but I have to know what happens to Nancy and Conrad - and all of that pot. "Weeds" also premieres at 10pm August 13 on Showtime, but you can watch the season premiere here. The password is MONDAYS if you don't want to register.

- Those of us who long for our days in frats and sorats can rejoice! abcfamily's "Greek" has been renewed for ten more episodes.

- Dolly Parton has started her own record label, Dolly Records.

- Gary Coleman was arrested for disorderly conduct in Utah this past weekend. Insert "Whachoo talking 'bout, Willis?" reference here.

- I have just one question for you: Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


Can you tell I like "Flight of the Conchords"? Have a fabulous weekend, people!!!


Photo by: Ida Mae Astute/ABC; Us Weekly/Perez Hilton.

Lindsay Lohan Arrested (Denial, Denalis, and Bad Parenting)

Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning for two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence and driving on a suspended license, and two felony charges of possession of cocaine. One of LiLo's two assistants quit (because who can put up with all that?) and called her mother to come pick her up from Lindsay's residence. Around 1:30am, the assistant's mother picked her up and then was pursued by an enraged Lindsay in her white Denali!

When police finally stopped the crazy redhead (excuse me... blonde), LaLo failed a field sobriety test and had a stash of cocaine in her pocket. Her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13 percent. So much for that ankle bracelet! Lindsay was arrested and taken to the clink (which they were only a block away from at the time), but she was released a little while later on $25,000 bail. Her arraignment is scheduled for August 24, the same date that was originally set for her Memorial Day DUI. There doesn't seem to be a way for her to get out of serving serious time (about as serious as Paris Hilton's stay was). Maybe she and Nicole Richie could share a cell? They could film it and call it "The Simple Life: Jailbirds".


Lindsay was booked last week for her May 26 DUI last week and has been in rehab twice since January. She had been wearing a SCRAM ankle bracelet since her most recent release from rehab to monitor her alcohol intake. I guess those things aren't sophisticated enough to sniff out cocaine. Lindsay's rep said, "Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late [Monday] I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Is it terrible that all I can think of at a time like this is how desperately I want her bag?

There have been a lot of contradicting reports, however. While TMZ reported that Lindsay entered an undisclosed rehab center today, Perez Hilton says she is NOT in rehab. TMZ is also reporting now that Lindsay wasn't chasing her assistant, but that she was being chased while following her assistant. Mmmhmm... And OJ was just going to visit relatives across the border.

Dina Lohan spoke out to "The Insider" saying "I am sick over this. My children, my family -- we are like prisoners in our own home because paparazzi is staked outside. Lindsay is in a safe place [the Chateau Marmont] and we are trying to strategically work out our next step. We are doing everything in our power in support of Lindsay. And I won't give up. This is my daughter and we love her. We are waiting for the press frenzy to die down and leave her alone. Please respect our privacy." Where's all your "White Oprah" inspiration for your daughter, Dina?

Apparently when your child gets arrested, your supposed to make statements to the press. Michael Lohan has been all over the place today. He spoke to Perez Hilton for twelve minutes, appeared on "Larry King Live", and spoke to "The Insider". He really seems distressed by all of this. He told PEOPLE magazine, "I'm devastated by this. It's killing me, it's ripping me apart." Really? Is it? So much that you are crying in the fetal position clutching your phone, just barely summoning the strength to dial up CNN? Somebody get this man some Kleenex! Michael has been asked to stay away from Lindsay and her lawyer, Blair Berk, so I guess he will have to do all this caring elsewhere.

Lindsay's paternal grandmother, Marilyn Lohan, even released a statement: “I’m just very upset about the whole thing. She’s such a beautiful girl. We love her and we’re here for her. She can turn it around. With the right guidance and people, she can turn it around.” Tomorrow, expect statements from lil' sis Ali, lil' bro Dakota, her dealer, and Naomi Campbell, who taught her just how to treat her assistants.

Before this DUI and cocaine bust, Lohan was originally scheduled to appear on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"... To repair her image. But that was scrapped and Rob Schneider took her place and came dressed as the celebutante! Her movie career is in tact as the producers of her flick Dare to Love Me are doing just that by standing by her and not firing her... For now.

News, both true and false, is constantly developing. I'll try to compile the best of all the information and update when I can. Have a happy hump day!

Photos: Santa Monica Police Department, Simon Ferreira/startraks, VIPIX/Ramey, AP/Dick Yarwood, 2005.

Transform Your Mind!

I'm one of those people that will go see a movie even if I think it looks stupid. I want to see it so when people bring it up, I can go, "UGH!! That movie was awful! I can't believe you liked it. I mean, if I have to watch Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time..." But I will see Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time because I will inevitably see her next terrible movie...just to complain about it. It is a vicious cycle, my friends.

Well, this is what I was expecting when I entered the theater to see Transformers. All I knew about it was that there was some cartoon when we were little about cars that transform into robots or something weird like that and the kid from "Even Stevens" who is "the next Tom Hanks" was in it. But I also knew it was supposed to be the biggest movie of the summer, so I figured why the hell not? It'll give me something to complain about. Boy, was I ever wrong! This movie is awesome! Never in a million years did I think robot battles would be something I would be interested in, but it is! The digital work on this film is unbelievable! I actually believed Optimus Prime and Megatron were flying through the sky right at me! I kept hearing about how Shia LaBeouf is going to be the biggest star ever after this movie and I never doubted that fact. But now, I am a converted Shia lover! His comedic timing is priceless. I didn't think this movie would be funny, but it is quite entertaining in both drama and comedy. A dramedy, if you will.

Transformers isn't just for guys, but I will say that, of course, it appeals to men more than women. But seriously, who wouldn't believe that women in the CIA are eighteen and straight out of Playboy? C'mon, you know that's like a requirement to even be considered by the CIA. So if you have nothing to do one day, I highly recommend heading to the cinema to see Transformers. I found it thoroughly entertaining.

But on with the news...

- Us Weekly's cover this week features Nicole Richie and the line "Yes, She's Pregnant!" Sources also say she will be marrying the papa, Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte. This is a pretty elaborate scheme to get out of the slammer if you ask me. Hopefully now she will eat something.

- E! News is reporting that Christina Aguilera is expecting a bundle of joy with her husband, Jordan Bratman.

- Heaven help us... Paris Hilton is taking acting classes.

- The "Sex and the City" movie is back on. Women across America rejoice and break out your Manolos, condoms, and Cosmopolitans!

- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were photographed getting down and dirty in a hot tub in Mexico on their anniversary. Nick had this to say about the scandal: "I was in Mexico with my girlfriend of a year, celebrating our anniversary on a private vacation. It's not like I was caught with a Mexican hooker."

- Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are supposedly getting married Friday (but I've also heard Saturday).

- Johnny Knoxville has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Funny that he is the one filing for divorce. I didn't think any woman could put up with him at all, much less his love of nose candy, broken bones, stapling body parts together, letting alligators bite his nipples, getting hit with paint balls... Shall I go on?

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with... Zach Braff? Huh?! I didn't see this one coming!

- Perez Hilton is reporting that Rachael Ray and her husband, John Cusimano, are breaking up. However, Us Weekly says this rumor is just crap...like Rachael's food!

- Nelly Furtado is engaged to some dude named Demo Castellon.

- And finally, I'd like to explain to Britney Spears that an acting part in a movie is spelled "role". The Little Debbie snack she loves is called a Chocolate "Roll". I can see how she'd get confused... This is what Britney wrote on her website:



Photos: perezhilton.com, Wire Image, Us Weekly, Britney Spears' Website

What else happened this weekend...

- Mischa Barton went to the hospital on Sunday due to "an adverse reaction to medication". Hmmm... Are you sure about that? Mischa was at a BBQ at Nicole Richie's best friend's house, apparently named Masha (uh, what?) and was taken to the hospital after her little episode. Perez Hilton claims that the actress "did so many mushrooms - in addition to a lot of cocaine - that she thought she was dying!" From what I have heard about Mischa, the latter may have some truth to it.

- Nicole Richie's email invitation to the guests for the above Memorial Day BBQ is as follows:

From: Nicole Richie < xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxxxxxxx.xxx > To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Subject: Masha and Nicole's Memorial Day Party Date: Thu 24 Ma 2007 04:29:29 +0000

My fellow Americans its that time of year To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer Let's stand together as one, live the American dream Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans Even though we have no f***ing clue what Memorial Day really means!!

Mashas House
Sunday May 28th, at 2pm
XXXXX Crest Court
Beverly Hills, Ca 90210

There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Please make sure to RSVP as this is a large party and we need to keep track of who's coming. Thanks

Damn those weight limits! I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to get in.

- Ashley Judd's husband, Dario Franchitti, won the Indy 500 this weekend.

- I feel sorry for those working at the MTV Movie Awards, which airs this Sunday. Now that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are dating, producers are working overtime to avoid a conflict with Timberlake's ex, Cameron Diaz. At the most recent Golden Globes, Cam saw Justin flirting with Jessica and "blew up" at her ex. Both Cameron and Jessica are presenters at this weekend's event and producers want to make sure the two will never see each other. Good luck! I wasn't planning on watching this year (who am I kidding? I will watch the reruns for sure), but this gives me a fantastic reason to tune in.

- It was all smiles and politeness today on "The View". Barbara Walters talked about how much she will miss her dear friend Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck claimed that she and Ro had "been emailing each other all weekend" and were in the process of making amends. However, Rosie's calling Elisabeth a liar. She wrote on her blog, Elisabeth "spoke to kelli/we had one e mail exchange". This bitchfest is never going to end.

Photo: Pham-MBF/X17

"American Idol" winner, dating news, and Tyra Banks

Hello again! Sorry it has been so long without a new post. I know all of you have just been dying to hear from me! Here's what I have cared about (or not cared about) in the last week or so:


- Jordin Sparks won "American Idol" last night. I know that is a girl, but that's about it. Some tool with frosted tips lost.

- A battle began on "The View" yesterday between... You guessed it! Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Something about troops being terrorists or some nonsense.

The fight went something like this:

Rosie - "I'm a liberal!"
Elisabeth - "I'm a conservative!"
Rosie - "Donald Trump is to blame for all the wars in the world!"
Elisabeth - "You're being glib! How annoying can I possibly be?!"

I may be taking some liberties there, but I'm pretty sure that was the basic plot of the argument. Go here to watch the video and see what really happened. Now Rosie may be leaving the show early. She is set to leave in three weeks. Rosie wasn't on "The View" today, but she's just gone for her partner Kelli's birthday.

- I regret to inform you that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" are engaged. She's 20, by the way. Congratulations. I'll let you know when they file for divorce.

- Ohhhh... Dina Lohan just got BUSTED! She told Us, "I've read all these things, like I said I'm the White Oprah ... I've never said that in my entire life! It's completely ridiculous." Is it? IS IT? Because she told Star Magazine last year, "I love to talk. Lindsay's friends call me 'The White Oprah' because they all come to me with their problems." You liar!

- "KISS MY FAT ASS!" These were the words we heard Tyra Banks scream as she slapped her own ass on her talk show a few months ago. After months of talking about how much she doesn't care that she's fat and how she worked so hard all those years as a model that they are willing to retouch her now, Tyra is eating her words. Well, I guess actually "lean turkey sandwiches and loads of fresh-cut veggies and fruit." Ty-ty has gone on a diet and has lost thirty pounds recently, despite being oh-so comfortable with her weight. Girl couldn't even last five months with what some of us have lasted twenty years. Weak!

- I found this article on MSN today. MSN proposes to VH1 which celebrities they want for "Celebreality" shows. My suggestion for a VH1 reality show: I hate to admit this, but Tyra Banks. I would watch it. Every day probably. I just want a camera to follow her around all day so I can make fun of everything she does. She's like my heroin (not heroine, as in hero... I mean the drug). I resist the urge to partake in any of Tyra's television shows daily. But sure enough, Wednesday at 8pm rolls around and I'm right in front of the TV anxious to see what idiotic stuff Tyra will do on "America's Next Top Model". Then I get in my bed to go to sleep and get sucked in to reruns of "The Tyra Banks Show" on Oxygen. I mean really, how am I supposed to sleep when Tyra has an "America's Next Top Drag Queen" contest going on? She is to blame for my insomnia. There's just so much joy every time I see that pained look in her eye when she introduces a new segment on her talk show, like "I'm so embarrassed to be saying this but... Please welcome Stacia, who is a two foot tall stripper." So VH1, the crack-addicted side of my personality begs of you to start a reality show with Tyra Banks as the star. But the side of me that wants to have a life begs of you never to give her more air time...EVER!

- Nicole Richie claims she is not in rehab though The National Enquirer and Star are reporting that Nicole has been in rehab for a pain-killer addiction and anorexia and that she weighs 83 pounds.

- Brittany Murphy might have married Simon Monjack to keep him from getting deported.

- Oprah's dad is writing a book about her and she is pissed.

- Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil last weekend.

- Donna Lynn Hogan wants to be just like sissy Anna Nicole Smith. She is giving herself a birthday present of new boobs and dying her hair bleach blonde. This is all in attempt to make it in Playboy. This from the woman who wrote Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith.

- Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder and his wife, Kirsten, had a girl named Evan Jane Heder this week.

- Cameron Diaz might be dating "Mindfreak" Criss Angel. Most of you know my theory about couples looking alike, and I can see a resemblance here. If you can get past all the eyeliner and hair...on him.

- Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up. Or they didn't. I don't know! I'm so confused!

- "Weeds" is coming back August 13. Guess who is stopping by Agrestic? Mary-Kate Olsen... What the hell?

- "Big Love" starts it's second season with a move to Monday nights on June 11.

Wow! That was a lot of stuff I neglected to report on! I'm sure there's a lot I missed, so there may be a few updates in your near future!

Photo by: Frank Micelotta / Getty