Criss Angel & Holly Madison Vacay in Cabo - with Paula Abdul

Now for Criss Angel news. There's something you don't hear everyday! The Mindfreak himself has been shacking up with Holly Madison (Hef's former first lady) at ME Cabo Resort in Cabo, San Lucas. They've been working on their tans and partying at ME Cabo's Passion Club for a couple of days now and plan to be there for over a week - guess things are getting serious! Criss is taking a break from his Vegas show 'Believe' - because even Mindfreaks need some R&R from time to time. Holly's taking a break from, well, I don't think she does anything but tan or bang old men and D-list celebrities for fame. So this is sort of like a working vacation for her.

But what crazy train is ever complete without Paula Abdul?! She joined her good friends for a few days away from "American Idol" and some fun in the sun - because tanning next to Ryan Seacrest in a thong is stress enough. ME Cabo gave her the full treatment with "American Idol" cakes and showing her taping of the night's show. Paula can't relax on vacation without focusing on herself! Here are the exclusive pics of the gang hanging by the pool:



The ME Resorts are mighty popular with the celebs lately! Mischa Barton is currently staying at ME Madrid to promote an Herbal Essences campaign. Rob Schneider is also bunking up there for a press junket - and because he figured he could get Sandler some good Herbal Essences swag.

Peppers Baby, Natalie Portman, and more "View" news

Devastating news. It's going to be a loooong time before Anthony Kiedis and I get together, as it is meant to be. I found out yesterday that the 44 year old lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and his 20 year old model girlfriend, Heather Christie, are expecting a baby. I guess we can just be friends, Anthony.



- Oh, diss! Leonardo Dicaprio snubbed Jessica Simpson at the Vanity Fair party Saturday night. Jessica didn't fit in with the crowd and she "spent the whole night following Leonardo DiCaprio around like a lost puppy... He just seemed freaked out and kind of ignored her." He was probably pissed because all of her fake hair was depleting the Ozone.

- Us Weekly is reporting that Natalie Portman might be dating Andy Samberg of "Saturday Night Live". Uhhh... I thought I heard this like a year ago.

- DVR users are upset that the ending of "American Idol" was cut off by the recording devices because it ran longer than scheduled and Jordin Sparks wasn't even crowned the newest "Idol" until 10:03pm. DVR cut off at 10pm. I'm sorry, but why are you upset about this? You should be thanking DVR from saving you from the horror that is Ryan Seacrest.

- Tori Spelling caused a small amount of controversy when she and her husband, Dean McDermott, first got together because they were both still married and he had a newly adopted daughter. Now his ex, Mary Jo Eustace, is talking to People about how he left her. Dean said, "I'm not leaving the kids ... I'm leaving you." Ouch.

- There may be a reunion of "The State" in our futures!! Nothing is confirmed as of yet.

- The war between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck is getting ugly! Now Rosie won't be back on "The View" until Tuesday. Rosie posted some weird ass video on her blog today that shows pictures of Elisabeth and Barbara Walters while playing Cyndi Lauper's "Sisters of Avalon" in the background. Go here to watch it. Even Rosie's friends are getting in on the action. Janette Barber, Ro's chief writer, was supposedly escorted from ABC for drawing moustaches on posters of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. How juvenile can you be? Though, is it bad that I think that is hysterical?



Pictures from Celebrity Baby Blog and Perezhilton.com.

"American Idol" winner, dating news, and Tyra Banks

Hello again! Sorry it has been so long without a new post. I know all of you have just been dying to hear from me! Here's what I have cared about (or not cared about) in the last week or so:


- Jordin Sparks won "American Idol" last night. I know that is a girl, but that's about it. Some tool with frosted tips lost.

- A battle began on "The View" yesterday between... You guessed it! Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Something about troops being terrorists or some nonsense.

The fight went something like this:

Rosie - "I'm a liberal!"
Elisabeth - "I'm a conservative!"
Rosie - "Donald Trump is to blame for all the wars in the world!"
Elisabeth - "You're being glib! How annoying can I possibly be?!"

I may be taking some liberties there, but I'm pretty sure that was the basic plot of the argument. Go here to watch the video and see what really happened. Now Rosie may be leaving the show early. She is set to leave in three weeks. Rosie wasn't on "The View" today, but she's just gone for her partner Kelli's birthday.

- I regret to inform you that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" are engaged. She's 20, by the way. Congratulations. I'll let you know when they file for divorce.

- Ohhhh... Dina Lohan just got BUSTED! She told Us, "I've read all these things, like I said I'm the White Oprah ... I've never said that in my entire life! It's completely ridiculous." Is it? IS IT? Because she told Star Magazine last year, "I love to talk. Lindsay's friends call me 'The White Oprah' because they all come to me with their problems." You liar!

- "KISS MY FAT ASS!" These were the words we heard Tyra Banks scream as she slapped her own ass on her talk show a few months ago. After months of talking about how much she doesn't care that she's fat and how she worked so hard all those years as a model that they are willing to retouch her now, Tyra is eating her words. Well, I guess actually "lean turkey sandwiches and loads of fresh-cut veggies and fruit." Ty-ty has gone on a diet and has lost thirty pounds recently, despite being oh-so comfortable with her weight. Girl couldn't even last five months with what some of us have lasted twenty years. Weak!

- I found this article on MSN today. MSN proposes to VH1 which celebrities they want for "Celebreality" shows. My suggestion for a VH1 reality show: I hate to admit this, but Tyra Banks. I would watch it. Every day probably. I just want a camera to follow her around all day so I can make fun of everything she does. She's like my heroin (not heroine, as in hero... I mean the drug). I resist the urge to partake in any of Tyra's television shows daily. But sure enough, Wednesday at 8pm rolls around and I'm right in front of the TV anxious to see what idiotic stuff Tyra will do on "America's Next Top Model". Then I get in my bed to go to sleep and get sucked in to reruns of "The Tyra Banks Show" on Oxygen. I mean really, how am I supposed to sleep when Tyra has an "America's Next Top Drag Queen" contest going on? She is to blame for my insomnia. There's just so much joy every time I see that pained look in her eye when she introduces a new segment on her talk show, like "I'm so embarrassed to be saying this but... Please welcome Stacia, who is a two foot tall stripper." So VH1, the crack-addicted side of my personality begs of you to start a reality show with Tyra Banks as the star. But the side of me that wants to have a life begs of you never to give her more air time...EVER!

- Nicole Richie claims she is not in rehab though The National Enquirer and Star are reporting that Nicole has been in rehab for a pain-killer addiction and anorexia and that she weighs 83 pounds.

- Brittany Murphy might have married Simon Monjack to keep him from getting deported.

- Oprah's dad is writing a book about her and she is pissed.

- Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil last weekend.

- Donna Lynn Hogan wants to be just like sissy Anna Nicole Smith. She is giving herself a birthday present of new boobs and dying her hair bleach blonde. This is all in attempt to make it in Playboy. This from the woman who wrote Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith.

- Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder and his wife, Kirsten, had a girl named Evan Jane Heder this week.

- Cameron Diaz might be dating "Mindfreak" Criss Angel. Most of you know my theory about couples looking alike, and I can see a resemblance here. If you can get past all the eyeliner and hair...on him.

- Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up. Or they didn't. I don't know! I'm so confused!

- "Weeds" is coming back August 13. Guess who is stopping by Agrestic? Mary-Kate Olsen... What the hell?

- "Big Love" starts it's second season with a move to Monday nights on June 11.

Wow! That was a lot of stuff I neglected to report on! I'm sure there's a lot I missed, so there may be a few updates in your near future!

Photo by: Frank Micelotta / Getty

Rosie, Carrie Underwood, and gross birthing stories

There isn't a lot of giant news today (or I just didn't have time to go through my nine thousand websites), so here is what I could gather up rather quickly. Hope everyone is having a great week! And is supporting Ross the Intern on "Celebrity Fit Club"!!

- Rosie needs to let the Donald Trump thing go. And since I'm guessing no one watched "The Apprentice" finale, here's who won.

- Jonathan Rhys Meyers of "The Tudors" has entered rehab for alcohol.

- Carrie Underwood is dating some dude from the Dallas Cowboys.

- I can hardly watch someone give birth on "Grey's Anatomy", much less Ricki Lake give birth in a bathtub. Sick!

- Oh, the shame! Keira Knightley, Hugh Grant, and Forest Whitaker have signed on to do an episode of "American Idol". But fear not... It's for charity.

On TV Tonight

Since some of you have lives, this information may not pertain to you. But for those of you who don't, here's what's on TV tonight:

8pm - "America's Next Top Model", CW: The models go to Australia this week and I can't wait to see them interview local townsfolk. I get a little too much joy out of making fun of Tyra. "Kiss my fat ass!" Girl, you don't know what fat is.

8:30pm - "Notes from the Underbelly", ABC: I expected this to be terrible, but it's not so bad. As long as they refrain from mentioning any more "lady parts", I think I can stomach it.

9pm - "American Idol", FOX: This 9pm time slot used to be filled with an hour of Sawyer and Kate frollicking on "Lost". Now it is dominated by Ryan Seacrest and his army of idiots. It is safe to say I will spend this hour on Facebook.

10pm - "Lost", ABC: I knew all along Juliet was working for The Others. I don't trust that shady lady. A new Internet theory is that she is pregnant and is doing what Ben wants to get off the island. Tonight is about Charlie though, so I'm not sure how much we will find out.

Here's what I won't be watching: "American Idol" (obviously), "Jericho", "Thank God You're Here", "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll", and any episodes of the "Law & Order" franchise

Funjaya Rant

What the crap is up with this kid Sanjaya? Is anyone else sick of hearing about him and/or looking at what hairdo he has this week? You all know my strong distaste for "American Idol"... Yes, even the auditions. "American Idol" to me is kind of like baseball season. I dread it before the start, it seems to last eons, and I couldn't care less about which team wins the World Series. But for some reason, I am bombarded with constant news coverage about the subject. To which I then have to shake my head in unison with my friends, not knowing whether I'm agreeing or disagreeing because I am exhausted from constantly explaining how much I detest the subject.

Every time I have turned on a TV or a computer lately (which is a lot), I see news headlines about Sanjaya. "Why is Sanjaya still on 'American Idol'? Vote in our poll." "What is your favorite Sanjaya hairstyle? Text 1 for Road Runner to 51414." Even Natalie Morales did a whole segment about it this morning on "The Today Show". You've got to be kidding me. I have to be bothered with this before my morning coffee? This kid, who no one seems to acknowledge the fact that he's a little light in the loafers, is getting all this credit for innovative hairstyles when he obviously has a stylist put together these looks for him. But I guess if I was his stylist I wouldn't want credit for that hair either. And not that I have watched the show to know, but like I said, I have to see constant clips of him on E! News... This kid can't sing worth a crap. Yet he's getting praised for his ability to connect with twelve year old girls. Just because one girl breaks down into tears does not mean you are a good singer, Sanjaya.

Everyone keeps wondering how Sanjaya with no singing ability can stick around the competition for so long. Are you people idiots? Does no one realize that the voting is fixed? While you're calling in nine billion times next Tuesday night, I hope you know you are wasting your time. To even think that your vote matters is to think that your vote actually counts in the presidential election. The producers are keeping him around because the press is having a field day with it, thus encouraging more people to watch.

Moral of the story, I'm so sick of hearing about this kid and "American Idol". I abhor Ryan Seacrest and I can't believe they allow a truly unstable Paula Abdul on live television multiple times a week with young children watching. They're just asking for something inappropriate to happen. Yet week after week, more people tune in. Then I have to come to work with people asking, "Did you see Sanjaya last night?" No. No, I didn't. The answer will always be a firm "no". But for some reason, I keep turning it to E! at 7PM basically handing Ryan Seacrest his paycheck while he forces me to watch clips of Simon being an ass or Sanjaya making an ass of himself. Damn you, Seacrest. Damn you.

Killa out