What Will YOU Do When the Shows Run Out?

As the WGA Strike continues, I'm beginning to wonder: What will Americans do to fill the time they usually spend in front of their televisions watching regularly scheduled programming? Take up knitting? Catch up on old episodes of "7th Heaven"? Finally learn to ride a unicycle?

We are nowhere near the end of the strike and reruns are upon us. While I seriously support the writers and their efforts, what is a pop culture junkie to do when the new episodes run out? My body is going to be so confused. Is it summer? Why am I seeing repeats of my favorite scripted dramas and comedies? Usually as I sit and wait patiently for 8pm to roll around, I watch rerun after rerun of "I Love New York 2". And I do, I really, really do love New York, which causes my parents so much shame. But I can only handle so much lip-smacking and inappropriate noises from New York aka Tiffany Pollard before I gleefully change the channel because a new episode of "The Office" or "How I Met Your Mother" is coming on.

Now do I have nothing to look forward to but a new episode of "A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila"? The thought of having to consume more and more ridiculous antics of bisexuals competing for the love of a cocktail makes me nauseous. But this is what we will be reduced to, people. The only thing that will be left for us, my fellow Americans, is reality shows. It used to be that the thirty minutes of "My Name is Earl" was such a sweet release from the constant shoving of "reality" down our throats. Now all we have is reality? Someone please help us!

Producers, studios, major media powerhouses, I am begging of you on bended knee: Give the writers what they want! What is a couple of extra cents to you? You will still be living the posh life while the writers wait years for the residual checks from iTunes to actually hit their bank accounts. I am pleading with you for the millions of American men and women who so cherish those 23 precious new episodes a year. Don't make the little people suffer. I don't care what it takes, just make the deal already! Save the writers... Save the world!

TV News and Scientology Weirdos

So happy it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

- We can finally find out what will become of Tommy amongst the flames. "Rescue Me" is officially back with a vengeance on June 12. Woohoo!! Showing up at the fire house this season is Jennifer Esposito, who filed for divorce this week from Bradley Cooper (Wet Hot American Summer). Also back on F/X, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Sounds like a warm and fuzzy show, doesn't it? Well, you couldn't be more fooled by the title. This show has been deemed "'Seinfeld' on crack", and that's exactly what it is. In one show, brother and sister actually decide to try out crack and end up on welfare. No, this isn't a drama. It's a comedy, and it's absolutely hysterical. And totally offensive, so I don't recommend it for the sensitive.

- Matthew Modine will be showing up in Agrestic to stir up some trouble on "Weeds" this summer.

- It saddens me to tell you this, but Stars Hollow will be throwing a farewell party on May 15. The drama of will-they-or-won't-they-renew has finally been answered. "Gilmore Girls" will be finito after this season. For all two of you who watch this show besides me, tune in to the series finale to find out what happens to Luke and Lorelai and if Rory will accept Logan's proposal.

- More TV news... For those of you who are waiting for the DVD to join the nation's latest obsession, "Heroes" will be released on DVD August 28.

- Liv Tyler is going to be playing Betty Ross in the upcoming Hulk movie. Playing The Hulk... Edward Norton.

- Britney Spears performed again last night...for a mere eleven minutes. Well worth the $300 some people paid. La Lohan made an appearance to see Brit mouth the words to her famous songs.

- Kate Walsh, aka Addison on "Grey's Anatomy, is dating Alex Young, a hot shot at 20th Century Fox.

- The battle for Ireland begins today, but Alec Baldwin won't be making it to court.

- "I can see how people wouldn't see this, but when you look at Kate now [compared to] when she first met Tom, she's more confident and more knowing who she is than ever before. You can see it in her pictures. She looks more beautiful and more confident and more assured. I've watched that metamorphosis – how Kate has blossomed into this woman. Because her life changed very quickly, she moved from one person into another." - Jada Pinkett Smith spoke to People about "Kate Cruise" and how she "ain't no little wimpy kitty cat". When I see Katie in pictures, I don't think strong, confident woman. I think she looks sedated. This interview has a rancid, and kind of ghetto, odor of bullshit. Also weighing in on the issue, Leah Remini. She says, "I really don't get it. They're married, they love each other and have a beautiful baby. They do 'weird' things like take care of their kid and go to baseball games." Well, I would believe you, Leah. But seeing as you are a Scientologist and believe that aliens live inside of us, it's a little hard for me to just take your word for it, girl.

Oh... Snap!

I don't know who is scarier... Joan Rivers or Lisa Rinna? Regardless, TV Guide Channel has replaced Joan and Melissa Rivers with Lisa Rinna as the new red carpet fashionista. Lisa, a former contestant on "Dancing with the Stars", says it is her "dream job".

TV Guide Channel say they "wish them the best in their future endeavors." Ouch... That is never good to hear. For once in her life, Joan is keeping mum about the subject. She says, "I will tell you my true feelings and experiences, as soon as we finalize our new deal."

Expect to see Lisa Botoxed and ready for her closeup in September on TV Guide Channel.

Photo: Oxygen Media

On TV Tonight

Since some of you have lives, this information may not pertain to you. But for those of you who don't, here's what's on TV tonight:

8pm - "America's Next Top Model", CW: The models go to Australia this week and I can't wait to see them interview local townsfolk. I get a little too much joy out of making fun of Tyra. "Kiss my fat ass!" Girl, you don't know what fat is.

8:30pm - "Notes from the Underbelly", ABC: I expected this to be terrible, but it's not so bad. As long as they refrain from mentioning any more "lady parts", I think I can stomach it.

9pm - "American Idol", FOX: This 9pm time slot used to be filled with an hour of Sawyer and Kate frollicking on "Lost". Now it is dominated by Ryan Seacrest and his army of idiots. It is safe to say I will spend this hour on Facebook.

10pm - "Lost", ABC: I knew all along Juliet was working for The Others. I don't trust that shady lady. A new Internet theory is that she is pregnant and is doing what Ben wants to get off the island. Tonight is about Charlie though, so I'm not sure how much we will find out.

Here's what I won't be watching: "American Idol" (obviously), "Jericho", "Thank God You're Here", "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll", and any episodes of the "Law & Order" franchise