This Just In...

Rosie O'Donnell will not be returning to "The View". She was supposed to fulfill her contract until June 20, but she decided to peace out early.

Here's what everybody had to say for themselves:

Rosie: "I'm extremely grateful. It's been an amazing year and I love all three women."
Translation: I hate you bitches. This year has been the worst year of my life. Even worse than the year my Broadway play Taboo with Boy George bombed! I hate Donald Trump and all of you. I don't know how you did it, Hasselbeck, but somehow you roped the network into siding with you over me. Damn you, Hasselbeck! Damn you!!

Barbara Walters: "I brought Rosie to the show. Rosie contributed to one of our most exciting and successful years at 'The View'. I am most appreciative. Our close and affectionate relationship will not change."
Translation: What the hell was I thinking to bring Rosie on the show? I must have been on crack or something. If it weren't for the enormous ratings boost because of all the controversy, I would have fired her ass a long time ago. I will never speak to Rosie O'Donnell again.

ABC: "We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to 'The View' and wish her well."
Translation: We are so excited to wash our hands of constantly having to release statements in support of such a monster. Good riddance, Rosie. Don't let the camera hit you in the face on the way out!

Maybe I should try to get Rosie's empty chair at "The View" table!

Picture: MSNBC Media

Peppers Baby, Natalie Portman, and more "View" news

Devastating news. It's going to be a loooong time before Anthony Kiedis and I get together, as it is meant to be. I found out yesterday that the 44 year old lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and his 20 year old model girlfriend, Heather Christie, are expecting a baby. I guess we can just be friends, Anthony.



- Oh, diss! Leonardo Dicaprio snubbed Jessica Simpson at the Vanity Fair party Saturday night. Jessica didn't fit in with the crowd and she "spent the whole night following Leonardo DiCaprio around like a lost puppy... He just seemed freaked out and kind of ignored her." He was probably pissed because all of her fake hair was depleting the Ozone.

- Us Weekly is reporting that Natalie Portman might be dating Andy Samberg of "Saturday Night Live". Uhhh... I thought I heard this like a year ago.

- DVR users are upset that the ending of "American Idol" was cut off by the recording devices because it ran longer than scheduled and Jordin Sparks wasn't even crowned the newest "Idol" until 10:03pm. DVR cut off at 10pm. I'm sorry, but why are you upset about this? You should be thanking DVR from saving you from the horror that is Ryan Seacrest.

- Tori Spelling caused a small amount of controversy when she and her husband, Dean McDermott, first got together because they were both still married and he had a newly adopted daughter. Now his ex, Mary Jo Eustace, is talking to People about how he left her. Dean said, "I'm not leaving the kids ... I'm leaving you." Ouch.

- There may be a reunion of "The State" in our futures!! Nothing is confirmed as of yet.

- The war between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck is getting ugly! Now Rosie won't be back on "The View" until Tuesday. Rosie posted some weird ass video on her blog today that shows pictures of Elisabeth and Barbara Walters while playing Cyndi Lauper's "Sisters of Avalon" in the background. Go here to watch it. Even Rosie's friends are getting in on the action. Janette Barber, Ro's chief writer, was supposedly escorted from ABC for drawing moustaches on posters of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. How juvenile can you be? Though, is it bad that I think that is hysterical?



Pictures from Celebrity Baby Blog and Perezhilton.com.

"American Idol" winner, dating news, and Tyra Banks

Hello again! Sorry it has been so long without a new post. I know all of you have just been dying to hear from me! Here's what I have cared about (or not cared about) in the last week or so:


- Jordin Sparks won "American Idol" last night. I know that is a girl, but that's about it. Some tool with frosted tips lost.

- A battle began on "The View" yesterday between... You guessed it! Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Something about troops being terrorists or some nonsense.

The fight went something like this:

Rosie - "I'm a liberal!"
Elisabeth - "I'm a conservative!"
Rosie - "Donald Trump is to blame for all the wars in the world!"
Elisabeth - "You're being glib! How annoying can I possibly be?!"

I may be taking some liberties there, but I'm pretty sure that was the basic plot of the argument. Go here to watch the video and see what really happened. Now Rosie may be leaving the show early. She is set to leave in three weeks. Rosie wasn't on "The View" today, but she's just gone for her partner Kelli's birthday.

- I regret to inform you that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" are engaged. She's 20, by the way. Congratulations. I'll let you know when they file for divorce.

- Ohhhh... Dina Lohan just got BUSTED! She told Us, "I've read all these things, like I said I'm the White Oprah ... I've never said that in my entire life! It's completely ridiculous." Is it? IS IT? Because she told Star Magazine last year, "I love to talk. Lindsay's friends call me 'The White Oprah' because they all come to me with their problems." You liar!

- "KISS MY FAT ASS!" These were the words we heard Tyra Banks scream as she slapped her own ass on her talk show a few months ago. After months of talking about how much she doesn't care that she's fat and how she worked so hard all those years as a model that they are willing to retouch her now, Tyra is eating her words. Well, I guess actually "lean turkey sandwiches and loads of fresh-cut veggies and fruit." Ty-ty has gone on a diet and has lost thirty pounds recently, despite being oh-so comfortable with her weight. Girl couldn't even last five months with what some of us have lasted twenty years. Weak!

- I found this article on MSN today. MSN proposes to VH1 which celebrities they want for "Celebreality" shows. My suggestion for a VH1 reality show: I hate to admit this, but Tyra Banks. I would watch it. Every day probably. I just want a camera to follow her around all day so I can make fun of everything she does. She's like my heroin (not heroine, as in hero... I mean the drug). I resist the urge to partake in any of Tyra's television shows daily. But sure enough, Wednesday at 8pm rolls around and I'm right in front of the TV anxious to see what idiotic stuff Tyra will do on "America's Next Top Model". Then I get in my bed to go to sleep and get sucked in to reruns of "The Tyra Banks Show" on Oxygen. I mean really, how am I supposed to sleep when Tyra has an "America's Next Top Drag Queen" contest going on? She is to blame for my insomnia. There's just so much joy every time I see that pained look in her eye when she introduces a new segment on her talk show, like "I'm so embarrassed to be saying this but... Please welcome Stacia, who is a two foot tall stripper." So VH1, the crack-addicted side of my personality begs of you to start a reality show with Tyra Banks as the star. But the side of me that wants to have a life begs of you never to give her more air time...EVER!

- Nicole Richie claims she is not in rehab though The National Enquirer and Star are reporting that Nicole has been in rehab for a pain-killer addiction and anorexia and that she weighs 83 pounds.

- Brittany Murphy might have married Simon Monjack to keep him from getting deported.

- Oprah's dad is writing a book about her and she is pissed.

- Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil last weekend.

- Donna Lynn Hogan wants to be just like sissy Anna Nicole Smith. She is giving herself a birthday present of new boobs and dying her hair bleach blonde. This is all in attempt to make it in Playboy. This from the woman who wrote Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith.

- Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder and his wife, Kirsten, had a girl named Evan Jane Heder this week.

- Cameron Diaz might be dating "Mindfreak" Criss Angel. Most of you know my theory about couples looking alike, and I can see a resemblance here. If you can get past all the eyeliner and hair...on him.

- Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up. Or they didn't. I don't know! I'm so confused!

- "Weeds" is coming back August 13. Guess who is stopping by Agrestic? Mary-Kate Olsen... What the hell?

- "Big Love" starts it's second season with a move to Monday nights on June 11.

Wow! That was a lot of stuff I neglected to report on! I'm sure there's a lot I missed, so there may be a few updates in your near future!

Photo by: Frank Micelotta / Getty

Hello again!

After a very exhausting weekend, I'm back to Blogger mode! It's going to be a very busy week, but I'll do my best to get you celebrity news as much as possible.

- I'm going to the Tribeca Film Festival this week, because I'm awesome like that. Just like every other New Yorker. But for those of you who can't make it to the Big Apple, you can watch five of the short films showing at Tribeca here. I'm going to see Gardener of Eden starring Lukas Haas and directed by Kevin Connelly, aka E on "Entourage", Purple Violets with Selma Blair and directed by Edward Burns, and I'm also attending a panel called "FAME!: I'm Gonna Live Forever" about how people can be successful at being famous. The last one was too appropriate for me not to go. I'll let you know what the experience is like.

- Ellen Degeneres has thrown out her back and will be doing her shows from her hospital bed on set this week. My two favorites, Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest, will be stopping by during visiting hours.

- Debra Opri, the ex-lawyer for Larry Birkhead, will be teaming with Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff in her battle against hubby David Hasselhoff, aka Mitch Buchanan from "Baywatch". The former couple have basically told the world they hate each other, so this could get interesting.

- Damn it. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, or as I like to call her "that annoying bitch who cries too much on 'The View'", announced she is pregnant. Fan-freaking-tastic. Now we're going to have this forced on us for the next six months until she pops out the kid and takes her maternity leave.

- Speaking of "The View", the battle to replace Rosie has begun. And the top contender... Rosie! As in Roseanne Barr! This is so exciting! Although Roseanne claims she has yet to be approached, I'm begging ABC to make this happen. The other front-runners are Whoopi Goldberg, Connie Chung, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Joan Rivers, all of whom I don't think could be funny enough or stir up enough controversy to keep the dying show on the air. Connie Chung doesn't deserve the spot simply because of this terrible display from the last time someone pointed a camera at her...

- I don't how this is possible, but "Dirt" might be coming back for a second season.

- Looks like "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" is coming back May 24 after a three month hiatus. I really like this show, so I'm excited about this. Although I think it might be on life support.

- Poor New York was dumped by Tango and she's coming back for round two of "I Love New York", which means I am on the edge of my seat until the show comes back. She's having an open casting call if any of you are interested, which I'm sure you are.

- Britney Spears was pulled over for speeding on Friday night. She was slapped on the wrist with a warning and sent on her way. But I have a bigger bone to pick with the cue ball herself. I have to take back this outfit now that you wore it first. Thanks a lot, Brit.

Photo: Flynet

And another thing...

It's been a big day in the celebrity world. I don't think I've ever said "The View" this many times in one day.

- Turns out I was right. Sanjaya is the product of a drug-induced stupor. His mom, Jillain Blith, and sister, Shyamali, were both arrested in February 2005 for growing pot. Shyamali gave up her mom in exchange for a lighter sentence. Which makes me think... I see a book in Shyamali's future detailing her relationship with Sanjaya a la Donna Hogan's book about her sister entitled Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith.

- Speaking of Sanjaya, he is interviewed in this week's People magazine. He told the mag, "I've always gotten along with girls better because I was raised by women. I got teased in school because people figured I must be gay because I understand women. I think that's why guys didn't like me - because I got along with girls so well. When I went up to girls they would give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek like I was their gay friend. But I was the straight guy that understood them. [Before Idol] I had a girlfriend but she became clingy, and I didn't want to get into a really serious relationship because I was 16. I just wanted to date and have fun." For once, I'm going to have to go with "no comment"...

- After a judge's ruling today, Larry Birkhead is allowed to bring Dannielynn to the US as long as he brings her back in June for the full custody hearing. Ol' Virgie Arthur is allowed to appeal, but it may not have much effect. Since Larry has already sold pictures of his precious daughter that he has fought so desperately to control...I mean love...no telling what will happen when Dannielynn hits the homeland.

- By now, I'm sure you have all heard or heard about Alec Baldwin's voicemail he left on his daughter (with Kim Basinger) Ireland's cell phone last week. This Friday, he will be appearing on "The View". The segment was taped today and Baldwin was said to be "very heartfelt, apologetic and emotional". He said he doesn't want to do "30 Rock" anymore and would like to be removed from his contract. However, NBC just renewed the show for another season. NBC released this statement regarding Alec's comments: "Alec Baldwin remains an important part of '30 Rock'. We look forward to having him continue his role in the show.” Looks like your stuck with Jack Donaghy for now, buddy.

- Victoria Beckham eats?? I must say, I am shocked. In a recent interview, she said, "I began living on vegetables and nothing else. But it never occurred to me that I had an eating disorder." Now she says it is all about control and she's added fish and chicken to her diet. Woah... Slow down there, Posh. Next thing you know, you'll face plant into a giant chocolate cake!

- If you're thinking of getting into acting, maybe Screech could manage your career. Dustin Diamond has started his own management company called A Diamond in the Rough (how clever!) for washed up child actors. Britney Spears has already put in a few calls to his office.

Rosie's statement

On "The View" this morning, Rosie O'Donnell said the reason she is not returning to the show is that she and ABC could not agree on contract terms. ABC wanted three years, and she only wanted to commit to one. Barbara is sad about Rosie's departure in June, but Rosie will return regularly next season. They have yet to find a replacement.

As usual, Donald Trump thinks this is all about him.

Babwa says, "Peace out, Rosie!"

TMZ has confirmed that Rosie O'Donnell will be announcing today on "The View" that she is leaving the show. I don't know whether to sing "Glory, Glory, Hallejuah" or break down into tears. Will there be no more controversy? Will I never again see Rosie hanging upside down on a swing in rather unflattering spandex pants? Who will replace her? Will Rosie finally beat the tar out of Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Oh, please let that be her going away present!!!

- Happy Birthday to Al Pacino, who turns 66 today!

- The fictional band Spinal Tap from the Christopher Guest crew will perform at Live Aid this summer in London. In other news, I'm thinking of moving to the other side of the pond. They have so many awesome things go on over there. America sucks. All we have is Britney Spears showing her "lady parts" every five minutes.

- Speaking of Brit, Jessica Simpson is trying to pawn off her manager pa, Joe Simpson. Since Britney's career has taken a tumble, Jess seems to think dad Joe can help her out. So this means he will now be going on every show available to talk about how big Britney's boobs are. Only this time it won't be quite as weird because he won't be talking about his daughter.

- Heather Mills can't shake a leg with the best of them. She was sent home last night on "Dancing with the Stars".

- A fire broke out on the set of The Dark Night, the next in the Batman franchise.

- Melanie Brown, aka "Scary Spice", has named her daughter Angel Iris Murphy Brown. She said, "Angel, as she was my little angel through my pregnancy. Iris, as it's my grandma's name, Murphy because he's the dad, and Brown, because I'm the Mum!" Murphy has still not owned up to his paternity.

- Angelina Jolie is trying to change the name of her new child to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. I guess those rumors about the Pitts splitting aren't true.

Picture Source