Fame-Stealers and Jail Terms

- Dina Lohan is trying to steal her daughter's spotlight...yet again. Dina has been hired by "Entertainment Tonight" to interview celebrities as they walk down the red carpet at the Georgia Rule premiere. She wants to launch a high-profile TV career and get Rosie's spot on "The View", but sources say "ET" is just using her to get the Lindsay exclusive during the wake of her recent cocaine scandle. London's News of the World has published pictures of a girl snorting a white substance and claiming it is Lindsay Lohan in a "marathon binge".

- Paris Hilton is pleading with Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her from serving jail time for her crimes. She is also asking her fans to sign a petition to keep her out of that orange jumpsuit. Don't be surprised if you don't find my name on that petition.

- Now this is what I like to hear! A celebrity owning up to their actions! Paris, take notes. George Michael has pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs. He stated, "I am perfectly aware that I did something very wrong . . . and I'm perfectly prepared to accept the correct punishment." He will find out what his jail term will be on May 30.

- It's been a rough week for celebrities. Ty Pennington of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" has been charged with a DUI, along with the rest of Hollywood.

- Brittany Murphy has married her boyfriend, Simon Monjack, after only a few short months. Only nine months ago, she broke off her engagement to Joe Macaluso.

- Katie Couric could be out of a job soon. "CBS Evening News" had record low ratings last week.

- Now you can smell "Dirrty" like Christina Aguilera. She is getting her own perfume.

- If you want to know who wins "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman", then click here.

- Yes! Bravo's "Top Chef" is heading to Miami and premieres June 13 at 10pm.

- For years, I have been hearing how phenomenal "Veronica Mars" is. Well, upon seeing a promo that one of my many boyfriends, Paul Rudd, was going to be on last night, I took the plunge and watched. I came to the conclusion that I haven't been missing much.

- So now the pot has called the kettle "trash". Regarding Britney Spears' rehab relationship with Howie Day, a source says Kevin Federline stated, "You have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.” Britney must have been spending a lot of time in dumps in 2004 when she met you, K-Fed.

Sir Bono, Posh, and TV news

Did anyone watch "Lost" last night? I don't like episodes about the new survivors. Or anything that makes me think a spider is crawling on me all night. Or that I will be buried alive.

- Bono was knighted today, but he would prefer it if we didn't call him "sir". I'll try to remember that next time I'm hanging out with him.

- Bruce Willis was supposedly seen "full-on making out" with Courtney Love at his 52nd birthday party. Vom.

- Sources are now speculating that caffeine killed Anna Nicole Smith. I guess I need to switch to decaf. "What?! Why you son of a bitch! You told me this was regular coffee!" A select few of you will get that reference.

- Us Weekly posted a letter on their website pleading with Victoria Beckham to start wearing bras when she moves to LA. Here is my letter: Dear Posh, Please go to In-and-Out Burger as soon as you land at LAX. Love, Killa

- "Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi has supposedly split from her author husband Salman Rushdie. She claims he was totally harshing her buzz.

- Britney Spears went to the hospital because her tooth was hurting. Today she has a headache and CNN devoted a half-hour to the story.

- To promote The Simpsons movie this summer, select 7-Eleven stores might be turned into Kwik-E-Marts. People will also be able to buy Buzz Cola and iced Squishees. There is no sarcasm involved in this post.

- "Rescue Me" will begin its fourth season in June. I'm absolutely ecstatic for more opportunities to see my Hispanic boyfriend Franco!!

- It was reported that "Diff'rent Strokes" actor Todd Bridges was dead. He responded with, "What you talkin' bout, TMZ?"

- "Laguna Beach" = DUIs. The newest cast member to get arrested is Jessica Smith, who you may remember as the most annoying person in existence. She was released today and charged with a DUI and causing "great bodily injury" in a car wreck.

- Seeing how much press Britney Spears has received lately, Donald Trump might shave his head. Hallelujah.

- There is a marathon of "The Office" tonight on NBC. So that's two hours of Jim Halpert. Awesome!

- Has anyone been watching "'Til Death Do Us Part?", the new Court TV show hosted by John Waters? He is the narrator that takes us through a new story of spousal murder each episode. It is my new favorite murder show. Perhaps maybe I should start watching "American Idol"...