Lindsay Lohan Poses with Wonder Woman and Catwoman

Lindsay Lohan posed for a print campaign today in MacArthur Park in Los Angeles with Wonder Woman and Catwoman. I didn't know Lindsay associated with superheroes. Who knew cocaine could fuel superpowers?












Photos: WireImage

Lindsay Lohan Spends 84 Minutes in Jail

Lindsay Lohan showed up to the Lynwood jail yesterday to begin serving her minimum 24 hour sentence for her two DUIs. She was released after 84 minutes due to the jail's overcrowding policy. She spent two minutes longer than Nicole Richie. I'm sure when Nicole and Lindsay see each other, LiLo will try to one-up Nicole by saying those two minutes were the worst two minutes of her life. Absolute torture!

Above is Lindsay's new mugshot. She looks a little orange, don't ya think? Girl got herself a tan just for her new mugshot.

Photo: LA County Sheriff's Department

Knocked Up: Halle Berry Edition

Today I was riding the elevator at work and the doors opened to reveal... Chris Hansen of NBC's "Dateline: To Catch a Predator". If ever I had a sensation to wet my pants, it was staring into those eyes that have made even the wiliest of pedophiles shake in their boots. For four solemn floors alone on an elevator with Chris Hansen, I kept thinking, "At what point are the cameras going to reveal themselves? No, little girl, I don't want any of your sweet tea!" I was terrified. Guess I didn't do anything wrong because he never even glanced over at me. Whew!

- Halle Berry is with child after being impregnated by her model beau, Gabriel Aubry.

- In other baby news, Paris Hilton is trying to catch up to Nicole Richie by popping out a few. Only problem: she isn't dating anyone. Please... That's just a minor detail. Paris says, "I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I've got to get my body ready." Perhaps you should just adopt Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis. I've heard he's in need of some money.

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with the "I'm a Mac" guy Justin Long. That's a weird combo.

- Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have split after three unexciting years together.

- Jenna Fischer, aka Pam from "The Office", and her husband James Gunn have split after six years together.

- Commercials for the DVD release of Georgia Rule are airing minus one important component... Lindsay Lohan. She has been erased from the commercial, I'm assuming to help sales. Do you mind erasing the horrible memory I have of going to see this terrible train wreck of a movie? Don't believe the hype, people. They advertise it as a hysterical family romp - but it has a more depressing, pedophilia vibe to it. Steer clear, my friends. Heed my warning!

- Poor Owen Wilson. He has had a rough couple of weeks. The National Enquirer is now reporting that he has attempted suicide twice before his most recent effort. And his family is trying to keep Kate Hudson as far away from him as possible, and I can't say that I blame them.

- "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" starts next Thursday, September 13, on F/X at 10PM. Make sure you tune in! It's awesome, and wrong, but totally awesome!

I must now pack for the weekend and get some sleep!!

Photo: MSNBC

Where art thou, La Lohan?

Nicole Richie will serve her four days, if that, at the same Lynwood jail Paris Hilton stayed at. And she's finally claiming her baby, telling Diane Sawyer that she is four months along and daddy is Joel Madden. And in totally unrelated news, the ladies on "The View" discussed today how to tell your child they were an accident. No, I am not kidding. Why do you ask?

- Speaking of "The View", the new bland panelist is Whoopi Goldberg. Fun fact of the day: Did you know Whoopi had her own talk show back in the '90s? It only lasted one season, so I don't think Whoopi related to the masses. Don’t you know you have to be a lesbian to make a solo talk show soar, Whoopi? Rosie did it, Ellen did it, Oprah did it. Otherwise, you end up with a cancelled chatfest and a broken heart like Tempestt Bledsoe.

- Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced. Who would have thought that Kevin's reputation would be the one getting a boost from divorcing Brit? It's rumored that Britney, ever the example, constantly feeds her kids Doritos and soft drinks. So much that poor Sean Preston's teeth are decaying and yellowing, prompting Britney to ask a dentist about teeth whitener for the child. Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her." She's also been making death threats to the paparazzi. I think the only thing that will save her career at this point is to fake her death. Hey... It worked for Tupac.

- Lindsay Lohan is lucky this week, what with all the insane antics of Britney and the pregnant inmate Nicole. She has been able to hide her car chase from last week quite nicely amongst all the other starlets' news. She is supposedly getting help and her mother Dina is finally by her side. But they are not free from trouble just yet... Dina is being sued for not refunding $400,000 that was lent to her to help her jumpstart lil' LiLo's career all those years ago.

- Maybe Faith Hill and Tim McGraw should get some security at their concerts. At one show last weekend, one fan stole Tim's ring off his hand and another grabbed his, uh, area. Faith was having none of it, and I don't blame her! She told the crotch grabber, "Somebody should teach you some class, my friend."

- Usher's wedding to pregnant Tameka Foster was canceled last weekend. He wanted Jean Georges to cater the affair. She wanted barbecue. With an argument as important as that, naturally the nuptials were called off.

- One wedding that did end in "I do", Steve Martin married writer Anne Stringfield.

- According to Kanye West, "Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now." Well, what the hell am I supposed to call my 20 pound gold and diamond chain hanging around my neck?

- "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison may not have to serve time for his DUI that killed a young man.

- Tension is running high on MTV's "The Hills". Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag "hate each other so much" that they refuse to even promote the show together. They had to shoot promotional photos of Heidi separately and Photoshop her in. I can't wait to see how it all plays out when the third season premieres on MTV August 13 at 10pm.

- Bullocks! I just realized that the season premiere of "The Hills" conflicts with the season premiere of "Weeds"! Sorry, LC, but I have to know what happens to Nancy and Conrad - and all of that pot. "Weeds" also premieres at 10pm August 13 on Showtime, but you can watch the season premiere here. The password is MONDAYS if you don't want to register.

- Those of us who long for our days in frats and sorats can rejoice! abcfamily's "Greek" has been renewed for ten more episodes.

- Dolly Parton has started her own record label, Dolly Records.

- Gary Coleman was arrested for disorderly conduct in Utah this past weekend. Insert "Whachoo talking 'bout, Willis?" reference here.

- I have just one question for you: Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


Can you tell I like "Flight of the Conchords"? Have a fabulous weekend, people!!!


Photo by: Ida Mae Astute/ABC; Us Weekly/Perez Hilton.

Lindsay Lohan Arrested (Denial, Denalis, and Bad Parenting)

Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning for two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence and driving on a suspended license, and two felony charges of possession of cocaine. One of LiLo's two assistants quit (because who can put up with all that?) and called her mother to come pick her up from Lindsay's residence. Around 1:30am, the assistant's mother picked her up and then was pursued by an enraged Lindsay in her white Denali!

When police finally stopped the crazy redhead (excuse me... blonde), LaLo failed a field sobriety test and had a stash of cocaine in her pocket. Her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13 percent. So much for that ankle bracelet! Lindsay was arrested and taken to the clink (which they were only a block away from at the time), but she was released a little while later on $25,000 bail. Her arraignment is scheduled for August 24, the same date that was originally set for her Memorial Day DUI. There doesn't seem to be a way for her to get out of serving serious time (about as serious as Paris Hilton's stay was). Maybe she and Nicole Richie could share a cell? They could film it and call it "The Simple Life: Jailbirds".


Lindsay was booked last week for her May 26 DUI last week and has been in rehab twice since January. She had been wearing a SCRAM ankle bracelet since her most recent release from rehab to monitor her alcohol intake. I guess those things aren't sophisticated enough to sniff out cocaine. Lindsay's rep said, "Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late [Monday] I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Is it terrible that all I can think of at a time like this is how desperately I want her bag?

There have been a lot of contradicting reports, however. While TMZ reported that Lindsay entered an undisclosed rehab center today, Perez Hilton says she is NOT in rehab. TMZ is also reporting now that Lindsay wasn't chasing her assistant, but that she was being chased while following her assistant. Mmmhmm... And OJ was just going to visit relatives across the border.

Dina Lohan spoke out to "The Insider" saying "I am sick over this. My children, my family -- we are like prisoners in our own home because paparazzi is staked outside. Lindsay is in a safe place [the Chateau Marmont] and we are trying to strategically work out our next step. We are doing everything in our power in support of Lindsay. And I won't give up. This is my daughter and we love her. We are waiting for the press frenzy to die down and leave her alone. Please respect our privacy." Where's all your "White Oprah" inspiration for your daughter, Dina?

Apparently when your child gets arrested, your supposed to make statements to the press. Michael Lohan has been all over the place today. He spoke to Perez Hilton for twelve minutes, appeared on "Larry King Live", and spoke to "The Insider". He really seems distressed by all of this. He told PEOPLE magazine, "I'm devastated by this. It's killing me, it's ripping me apart." Really? Is it? So much that you are crying in the fetal position clutching your phone, just barely summoning the strength to dial up CNN? Somebody get this man some Kleenex! Michael has been asked to stay away from Lindsay and her lawyer, Blair Berk, so I guess he will have to do all this caring elsewhere.

Lindsay's paternal grandmother, Marilyn Lohan, even released a statement: “I’m just very upset about the whole thing. She’s such a beautiful girl. We love her and we’re here for her. She can turn it around. With the right guidance and people, she can turn it around.” Tomorrow, expect statements from lil' sis Ali, lil' bro Dakota, her dealer, and Naomi Campbell, who taught her just how to treat her assistants.

Before this DUI and cocaine bust, Lohan was originally scheduled to appear on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"... To repair her image. But that was scrapped and Rob Schneider took her place and came dressed as the celebutante! Her movie career is in tact as the producers of her flick Dare to Love Me are doing just that by standing by her and not firing her... For now.

News, both true and false, is constantly developing. I'll try to compile the best of all the information and update when I can. Have a happy hump day!

Photos: Santa Monica Police Department, Simon Ferreira/startraks, VIPIX/Ramey, AP/Dick Yarwood, 2005.

Bret and Jemaine, Stephanie Tanner, Farewell to Tammy Faye

My newest obsession? HBO's "Flight of the Conchords", a half-hour show that follows New Zealanders Bret and Jemaine trying to break into the music scene in NYC. "New Zealand's fourth most popular folk parody duo" spend their time finding love, meeting with their band manager Murray, and avoiding their "fan base", a woman named Mel. They spontaneously burst into song, making random observations about the world. In the first episode, Jemaine tells a girl, "You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model... But you'd probably have to keep your regular job." It's random, it's funny, and it airs Sunday nights at 10:30pm on HBO. Check out one of my favorite clips.



Other stuff...

- Britney Spears is going to give OK! magazine all the juicy details about her bald head, rehab, FedEx, and various other things in this week's issue. Mags are going to fly off the shelves and OK! might finally get a little respect in America. Wonder how much they had to pay for that interview?

- What's a blog post without a mention of La Lohan? Sigh. I can't seem to stop talking about her. Lindsay was set to start filming the movie Poor Things when she smashed into a curb and had to go to rehab. The film, costarring Shirley MacLaine, was postponed until Linz made it out of celebrity summer camp. But now the movie has totally sunk and isn't going to be made at all. This was instantly blamed on Lohan's partying ways, but this is not true. Turns out the producers have gone crazy and spent way too much money, bankrupting the movie. Now LaLo is going to dance in a movie called Dare to Love Me. She'll have to learn to tango. We should get some good laughs out of this!

- Jodie Sweetin, best known for playing Stephanie on "Full House", got married last Saturday to a man named Cody Herpin. She didn't invite any of her "Full House" costars to the wedding. How rude. This is Jodie's second marriage. She has admitted to a past daily methamphetamine habit.

- Wow! I almost forgot about Benicio Del Toro. Last time I heard anything about him he was getting nasty with Scarlett Johansson in an elevator. But he's back and he's going to be playing Che Guevara in a new Steven Sodebergh film. Welcome back!

- The reunion of The Fugees is "dead", apparently because Lauryn Hill is too full of herself. Sad. I bet that would have been an awesome album.

- I know none of you care about this, but I'm ecstatic that "The State" is finally coming to DVD! David Wain says it's official that we'll finally get the gang on DVD, but there's no specific release date yet.

- Sad news. Tammy Faye Bakker Messner has passed away after a long battle with cancer. She made a final TV appearance on "Larry King Live" Thursday night and passed away the following day. When Larry King asked Tammy Faye what her fans would remember her for, she jokingly said, "Well, my eyelashes."

I'm sure you all spent your weekend reading the new Harry Potter book. Dorks. Peace out!

Weird Couples and Celebutante News

You just got PUNK'D! That's how I felt when I saw this picture of Kate Hudson and Dax Shepard. Apparently the two are dating. You all know Hudson from How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Shepard from Employee of the Month... No? Did you not see that masterpiece starring Jessica Simpson? Well, he was also on the first season of "Punk'd" and in a Nick Lachey music video. And Dax proves that chivalry is, in fact, not dead as he has removed his sweaty, nasty shirt for Kate to smother her face with. Ahhh... How romantic!

- Lindsay Lohan busted out of rehab last Friday and has made an important decision... Regarding her accessories. LaLo's rep said: "On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served." And first stop out of rehab was, of course, going clubbing. But only "in part", as Linds was only partaking of water and energy drinks. (You can see the bracelet around her ankle in this picture.)

- And in other clubbing rehabilitated starlet news, Britney Spears will host the opening of LAX nightclub next month in Las Vegas.

- Winona Ryder is on the August cover of Vogue and for the first time, she's finally talking about her arrest for shoplifting back in December 2001. She's blaming her five finger discount on too many painkillers. Uh, I thought you were researching a role, Winona? I liked that excuse better.

- Brace yourselves... Paris Hilton is working on a new album. I can't wait!

- Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell were married this last Saturday at a BBQ-turned-surprise-wedding. Surprise - nobody cares.

- Some people do get second chances! NBC has hired ex-"Grey's Anatomy" actor Isaiah Washington for five episodes on their new show "Bionic Woman". There has been a lot of buzz around this show from Internet geeks, but this may ward off many gay viewers after Isaiah's use of the F word back on the "Grey's" set.

- I'm sure to get my Jim Halpert fix when "The Office" returns September 27 with four hour-long episodes! Woo! It will run against "Grey's Anatomy", which will take second place to The Guru and be watched on DVR at a later time. Sorry, Meredith. Maybe you shouldn't whine so much and I would watch you more.

- Apparently Shrek and Fiona have been getting busy after Shrek the Third because there are going to be two more movies in the series.

- Sharon Stone is dating Craig Ferguson, the Scottish host of The Late Late Show on CBS.

- Well, it's about time somebody beat the shit out of Andy Dick! Jon Lovitz was pissed over a comment Dick made about his old friend Phil Hartman a year ago. Dick told him, "I put the 'Phil Hartman hex' on you - you're the next one to die." Lovitz said, "I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women." Apparently Dick is the one who gave Phil's wife, Brynn, cocaine after she had been sober for ten years. And months later, she shot Phil and herself. So when Lovitz saw Dick at The Laugh Factory last weekend, he expected an apology which he, of course, did not receive. He then "picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." I can't say I blame the guy.

- Bridget Monyahan is set to give birth to Tom Brady's baby this Friday, which just happens to be his current girlfriend Gisele Bundchen's birthday. Tension is high and things aren't so great between Tom and Gisele, according to Page Six.

- High School Musical 2 will air on Disney on August 17 at 8pm. I still never saw the first one. I guess I should Netflix it... Strictly for the benefit of Pop Guru.

- Who knew there was such a demand for paternity tests and biracial relationships with redneck little people? "Maury" and "The Jerry Springer Show" have been renewed through 2010.

Photos: Ramey and Splash

Who would have thought money (or a fake illness) could get you out of trouble?

During the time I've been slacking off, Paris Hilton has gone to jail, faked an illness to get out of jail, and is now going back to court to possibly return to jail. And I thought I had a busy week! Paris turned herself in on Sunday evening in a way only Paris could...going to jail straight from the MTV Movie Awards. But she didn't forget her swag bags!!

TMZ reported, "Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head." I wish I could get out of things just by telling people the weird issues I have in my head. I'd claim mental instability any day to get out of manual labor. Paris, always the lady, politely thanked "the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes." So...Paris was put on house arrest and sent on her merry way. I just hope she got a driver this time.

Buuuttt... Now Paris might be headed back to the slammer. This is like a trial gone awry on "Days of Our Lives". The judge that sentenced Paris to the clink the first go-round is ordering her back to a LA courtroom tomorrow to determine how she should serve the rest of her sentence. Because it was the Sheriff that let her off the hook, the judge and the district attorney are pissed that they were not consulted on the issue. Thus, the reason for the hearing tomorrow. Poor Paris. This morning she thought she would be spending the remaining 40 days of her sentence watching reruns of "The Simple Life" on E! Now Paris might be spending that time back in the slammer... I don't know which is worse.

Here is some other really important stuff that has been going on recently:

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke, has officially been fired from "Grey's Anatomy". Who will Yang sleep with to get to the top now? Isaiah got the call today that he will not be returning to Seattle Grace. He was fired "due only in part to [his] onset troubles and was a result of a 'pattern of problematic behavior'." Washington had this to say: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Hmm... Is referencing the movie Network supposed to mean something?

- Jennifer Aniston's mystery man was revealed as 36-year-old British model Paul Sculfor. The two dined and held hands during Memorial Day weekend.

- Dina Lohan is finally visiting Lindsay in rehab. It only took ten days.

- Speaking of La Lohan, some strange pictures of Linz and Vanessa Minnillo surfaced on the Internet the other day of the two holding a knife and fake stabbing each other in a slutty, S&M way. Sources are saying it could hurt Vanessa's career. Lindsay's already done enough damage to sink her career, so there's no worries there.

- You know how women breastfeed in public and other women say things like, "How beautiful!" or "Look at that cute little baby!" In case you haven't figured this out yet, I'm not one of those women. I encountered an issue at one of my jobs that my bathroom schedule happened to coincide with one woman's breastfeeding schedule. Now, the whirring sound of a breast pump is enough to send me screaming down the hallway whilst pulling my hair out in horror. Well, Maggie Gyllenhaal was spotted breastfeeding in NYC the other day. Thank goodness I was nowhere around. I warn you: view this link with caution.

- Speaking of babies, Baby Borat is on the way. Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher are pregnant with their first child.

- Sarah Jessica Parker's new cost-conscious fashion line "Bitten" debuted today at Steve & Barry's stores across America. If you've actually ever seen a Steve & Barry's, then check it out!

- Larry and Laurie David have split after fourteen years of cynicism and environmental awareness.

- Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi went to rehab today.

- DVDs out this week: "Rescue Me: Season Three", "Seinfeld: Season Eight", "The Cosby Show: Seasons Three and Four". Load up on TV DVDs for lazy summer days.

Now I'm exhausted from the celebrity overload so I'm hitting the hay. Peace.

Bad Holiday Weekend for La Lohan

Hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day! I wanted to get this post up much, much earlier today, but my Internet had other plans.

While everyone was getting wasted this weekend, so was Lindsay Lohan. La Lohan was arrested early Saturday morning after she drove her car up onto a curb and then fled the scene of the crime. Cops found her in a Century City hospital and her car in a condo parking lot with lots o' damage. There was also a "usable amount" of cocaine found in the car. She was arrested and later released. To make matters worse, Lindsay is still under 21. A few months ago, she left Wonderland, a rehab center where she was an outpatient.

In one of the dumbest moves ever, La Lohan had lined up Svedka Vodka to sponsor her 21st birthday party in July. When you have just gone to rehab to help your image, getting a vodka company to sponsor your birthday is not a smart decision. But she didn't ask me. However, Svedka Vodka has dropped out of the party after Lohan's DUI bust.

And I guess her way of dealing with the embarrassment was to drown her sorrows because the New York Post featured the above picture of LiLo today with the headline "SMASHED!" Lindsay and her friend Samantha Ronson arrived at Teddy's in LA at 2am Monday morning and stayed for two hours. Here's some of what they had to say about what happened when they left Teddy's:

When the "Herbie: Fully Loaded" star left, she stumbled through the back door and dropped her red sunglasses and cigarettes. She bent to pick them up and collapsed, a witness said. A bouncer scooped her off the floor by her waist, and a freaked-out Ronson ran to get the car.

The bouncer placed Lohan, who had a cut on her left hand, into the passenger seat of the GMC - which had three plastic medallions from rehab treatment, each indicating 30 days of sobriety, hanging from the rearview mirror.

"She couldn't stand up anymore," said one witness. "She couldn't even move when she got in the car. Samantha was poking her. She didn't respond. She was totally passed out."

Lindsay entered Promises rehab yesterday while escorted by a lawyer. Here is the statement her publicist made today:

"Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility."

I know you may think that hell will freeze over before I feel sorry for Lindsay, but that was truly my first instinct in this case. I hope she actually participates in her rehab program this time and gets some serious help. I hope her dad stops making ridiculous statements to the press about how much he loves his daughter and that he wants to get in contact with her while he reveals details about her personal life. Please Michael Lohan, leave your daughter alone, quit embarrassing her, and stop adding fuel to the media fire. Lindsay will reportedly not be starting work on her new film Poor Things with Shirley Maclaine until after about a month of treatment when she will be given outpatient rights. In the meantime, I'm sure we will be hearing a lot more about the situation and I'll do my best to keep you updated.

Photo: X17online

Stalkarazzi

I walked out of my apartment last night to see the usual crowd of people waiting to eat at Da Silvano, the restaurant below our apartment. I saw a skinny blondish girl sitting on the bench, smoking, texting on her BlackBerry, wearing tightass black jeans, a white jacket, and one of those terrible white fedora hats that girls continue to insist upon wearing. Britney and K-Fed couldn't pull it off and neither can anyone else.

As the girl looked up to exhale, I realized it was Lindsay Lohan. She saw me looking and smirking to myself. This only fed her already giant ego. Since I have nothing better to do with my time and drop everything when I see celebs, I stood around outside chatting on my cell phone aka watching Lindsay slyly (or so I thought). Soon after this, her latest manskank, Calum Best, the British equivalent of Carson Daly, showed up and they were whisked into the restaurant and seated at a very nice table. Which I could still see.

Seconds later, Lindsay reaches over and shoves her tongue down Calum's throat. I am greatly offended by DDA (Disgusting Displays of Affection), so I decided it was time to go back inside. I thought you people might enjoy the details of my encounter. Or as someone else appropriately called me, stalkarazzi.

Photo: Splash News Online

Fame-Stealers and Jail Terms

- Dina Lohan is trying to steal her daughter's spotlight...yet again. Dina has been hired by "Entertainment Tonight" to interview celebrities as they walk down the red carpet at the Georgia Rule premiere. She wants to launch a high-profile TV career and get Rosie's spot on "The View", but sources say "ET" is just using her to get the Lindsay exclusive during the wake of her recent cocaine scandle. London's News of the World has published pictures of a girl snorting a white substance and claiming it is Lindsay Lohan in a "marathon binge".

- Paris Hilton is pleading with Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her from serving jail time for her crimes. She is also asking her fans to sign a petition to keep her out of that orange jumpsuit. Don't be surprised if you don't find my name on that petition.

- Now this is what I like to hear! A celebrity owning up to their actions! Paris, take notes. George Michael has pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs. He stated, "I am perfectly aware that I did something very wrong . . . and I'm perfectly prepared to accept the correct punishment." He will find out what his jail term will be on May 30.

- It's been a rough week for celebrities. Ty Pennington of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" has been charged with a DUI, along with the rest of Hollywood.

- Brittany Murphy has married her boyfriend, Simon Monjack, after only a few short months. Only nine months ago, she broke off her engagement to Joe Macaluso.

- Katie Couric could be out of a job soon. "CBS Evening News" had record low ratings last week.

- Now you can smell "Dirrty" like Christina Aguilera. She is getting her own perfume.

- If you want to know who wins "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman", then click here.

- Yes! Bravo's "Top Chef" is heading to Miami and premieres June 13 at 10pm.

- For years, I have been hearing how phenomenal "Veronica Mars" is. Well, upon seeing a promo that one of my many boyfriends, Paul Rudd, was going to be on last night, I took the plunge and watched. I came to the conclusion that I haven't been missing much.

- So now the pot has called the kettle "trash". Regarding Britney Spears' rehab relationship with Howie Day, a source says Kevin Federline stated, "You have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.” Britney must have been spending a lot of time in dumps in 2004 when she met you, K-Fed.

Hello again!

After a very exhausting weekend, I'm back to Blogger mode! It's going to be a very busy week, but I'll do my best to get you celebrity news as much as possible.

- I'm going to the Tribeca Film Festival this week, because I'm awesome like that. Just like every other New Yorker. But for those of you who can't make it to the Big Apple, you can watch five of the short films showing at Tribeca here. I'm going to see Gardener of Eden starring Lukas Haas and directed by Kevin Connelly, aka E on "Entourage", Purple Violets with Selma Blair and directed by Edward Burns, and I'm also attending a panel called "FAME!: I'm Gonna Live Forever" about how people can be successful at being famous. The last one was too appropriate for me not to go. I'll let you know what the experience is like.

- Ellen Degeneres has thrown out her back and will be doing her shows from her hospital bed on set this week. My two favorites, Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest, will be stopping by during visiting hours.

- Debra Opri, the ex-lawyer for Larry Birkhead, will be teaming with Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff in her battle against hubby David Hasselhoff, aka Mitch Buchanan from "Baywatch". The former couple have basically told the world they hate each other, so this could get interesting.

- Damn it. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, or as I like to call her "that annoying bitch who cries too much on 'The View'", announced she is pregnant. Fan-freaking-tastic. Now we're going to have this forced on us for the next six months until she pops out the kid and takes her maternity leave.

- Speaking of "The View", the battle to replace Rosie has begun. And the top contender... Rosie! As in Roseanne Barr! This is so exciting! Although Roseanne claims she has yet to be approached, I'm begging ABC to make this happen. The other front-runners are Whoopi Goldberg, Connie Chung, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Joan Rivers, all of whom I don't think could be funny enough or stir up enough controversy to keep the dying show on the air. Connie Chung doesn't deserve the spot simply because of this terrible display from the last time someone pointed a camera at her...

- I don't how this is possible, but "Dirt" might be coming back for a second season.

- Looks like "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" is coming back May 24 after a three month hiatus. I really like this show, so I'm excited about this. Although I think it might be on life support.

- Poor New York was dumped by Tango and she's coming back for round two of "I Love New York", which means I am on the edge of my seat until the show comes back. She's having an open casting call if any of you are interested, which I'm sure you are.

- Britney Spears was pulled over for speeding on Friday night. She was slapped on the wrist with a warning and sent on her way. But I have a bigger bone to pick with the cue ball herself. I have to take back this outfit now that you wore it first. Thanks a lot, Brit.

Photo: Flynet

Hell hath no fury like a Lohan scorned

Remember when Lindsay Lohan was dating Harry Morton? Yeah, I forgot, too. Well, considering her revolving door of man skanks... But I wouldn't dare cross The Lohan. Morton lives in the same apartment building as Lindsay in LA; only one floor lies between them. In a very Single White Female act, someone (I'm not saying Lindsay!) accidentally left the tub running in Lohan's apartment. As she lives directly above Morton, the water leaked into his apartment and caused $150,000 in damages.

Lindsay's rep says she was in New York at the time, but sources say she was partying it up in LA that night. Hmmm...

Photo: Truscello/WireImage

Happy Birthday, Suri!

Photo: Vanity Fair

It has been one year since the birth of Suri Cruise (or if you believe the rumors, almost two years). No birthday party plans have been revealed yet. The world's youngest celebutante is sure to have a fabulous affair, most likely in Shreveport, LA, where mother Katie Holmes is currently filming her first movie since she signed her life away/met Tom Cruise. It is called Mad Money and costars Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. Well, Happy Birthday, Suri! Don't choke on your silver spoon.

- Why even get out of bed in the morning? Without Lindsay Lohan by your side, that is. The egomaniac tells Allure, "When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me." If you are such a great protector, then what does everyone do while you party all night, go to rehab, and basically only focus on one thing... Lindsay. Newsflash... The world doesn't revolve around you.

- Richard Gere is on fire in India. The people of India are outraged after he dipped Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty and kissed her on the hand and cheek. Public displays of affection are not welcomed in India and his actions have been considered extremely offensive. People have been burning photos of Gere in protest.

- Paris Hilton goes to court on May 4 for her driving violations.

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke on "Grey's Anatomy", will play a sexually abused Catholic priest in an upcoming movie, The Least of These.

- Adam McKay, father of nasty landlord Pearl, had an interview with People regarding the hilarious video that has been all over the place recently.

- Kristin Cavallari is selling herself for cash. The reality star has been pushing herself on clubs in LA. They pay her for appearances, hoping to bring in more customers. Now she is peddling her 21st birthday party. I guess you have to make the rent somehow.

- Don't ever wear this again...



Photo: NEILL J. SCHUTZER/ Ramey

Halle, "30 Rock", and much more

- Halle Berry finally got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday, four years after she was supposed to.

- "30 Rock" has been renewed for another season. Yay!

- "7th Heaven", "The Black Donnellys", and "Six Degrees" are all kaput. The "7th Heaven" theme song will forever be burned into my memory though, so you might just get to hear it after a few drinks.

- Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan have been hanging out recently, putting to rest their five year long fued over Aaron Carter. Yeah, that's right. I said Aaron Carter. Could this have anything to do with La Lohan's image makeover and Duff's upcoming album? No. Never!

- Jodie Foster and Anderson Cooper are both featured on the cover of Out magazine, although neither have ever admitted their sexual orientation.

- Keith Richards admitted to snorting a bit of his father's ashes with a little cocaine. Then he took it back. However, I would keep all urns under lock and key in case he ever does run out of the nose candy.

- Heidi Montag of "The Hills" got a boob job, which I'm sure Spencer requested.

- Few people showed up for the "Project Runway" auditions in LA, which could mean trouble for the show. What will I do without Tim Gunn in my life?

- Anna Faris of Scary Movie fame has filed for divorce.

- Woo! "Run's House" is back for another season next Monday on MTV.

- Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown will make their divorce official on April 24. No more drug-induced political arguments... Tear.

- A member of Three 6 Mafia's entourage pissed on Jennifer Love Hewitt's lawn, something she's been doing to our television lineup for years. Payback is a bitch, Hewitt.

Ok, I'm going to watch "Lost". Peace!

Picture courtesy of People magazine.

Let's try this again...

Just a quick post to let you know that Britney Spears has reentered rehab today after Kevin Federline called for an emergency custody hearing. Her treatment is supposed to last between 30 and 45 days. If she leaves again before her full treatment, FedEx will go to court and request full custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. I never thought FedEx could look like a winning parent in my eyes. What is the world coming to?

Also...

- Marcia Cross, Bree from Desperate Housewives, gave birth to twin girls, Eden and Savannah.

- Lindsay Lohan couldn't find time in her important schedule to attend the funeral of her so-called "father figure" Robert Altman yesterday. She was too busy sniffing out the nose candy with Steve-O. She is a sad human being.

- The series finale of The O.C. is tonight at 9 pm on Fox. We shall miss you Sandy, Seth, and most importantly... Chrismukkah.

Hope you all have a good day. I've got to get back to work. I don't know how they run things without me.

Killa

Britney in rehab...and out again

Britney Spears officially entered a Los Angeles rehab called Promises yesterday, as confirmed by her manager Larry Rudolph. But now, she's out again. Spears checked out of Promises today and tried to hit another tattoo parlor on her way home, but much to her dismay, it was closed. She must have been on one hell of a drinking binge to have done this twice in one week.

OK! Magazine is reporting that Kevin Federline threatened to have Britney's hair tested to see what she has been up to. He could possibly be testing the hair to see what kind of illegal drugs she has been using, as evidence in a custody battle. But Brit had the last laugh as she cut it all off to prevent her drug use being found out. Good move, Britney. However, I don't think jumping from rehab to rehab really helps your case any.

In other news...

- Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are supposedly expecting a baby. She was seen at Pastis this weekend "looking visibly pregnant". Sources say they plan to secretly marry in a similar fashion to Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams. Heath is Naomi's ex-boyfriend.

- Hania Barton, the 19-year-old sister of Mischa Barton, has entered rehab because of her addiction to prescription painkillers. Since Mischa's fifteen minutes have come and gone and I've never even heard of Hania, I'm not sure why this is news. But I thought I would pass it along anyway.

- There is a shortage of eye liner throughout America. Why? Because Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro are officially divorced, and he wants to impress you ladies.

- Lindsay Lohan has been seen partying with Steve-O of Jackass fame. I'm not sure that hanging out with a known drug addict right after you get out of rehab is the smartest move in the world, but I guess you've got to get your contact high somehow.

- Heather Mills (Paul McCartney's ex) will be appearing on Dancing with the Stars. Sad...does she need money that badly? She will be the show's first disabled performer (she lost her leg in a motorcycle accident). There are 11 other competitors, but the people I have heard of are: Ian Ziering, Vincent Pastore from The Sopranos, Leeza Gibbons, Joey Fatone of N'Sync, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Laila Ali, Muhammad's boxer daughter. The rest of the people are athletes or pageant queens, so naturally, I've never heard of them.

- Shit. Now I have to start hearing about this annoying ass couple all the time again. Trista and Ryan of The Bachelorette and the only couple that has lasted from that franchise are having a baby. Fantastic.

- Exes Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady are expecting a child together. The couple broke up in December, and Brady has been dating Giselle Bundchen ever since. Oooh...awkward.

- I have stopped paying attention to all the Anna Nicole Smith hoopla, but the judge says he will reach a decision on what to do with her body on Friday. I hope they have that thing in one hell of a freezer. Gross.

Peace out. Have a good day.

Welcome to my new blog!

Hola! Welcome to the Pop Guru Blog!

As many of you know, I have had an email for several months now that details the recent antics of celebrities and other magnificent happenings in the world of popular culture. At the urging of many friends and after much consideration, I have decided to start a blog to keep you up to date with all entertainment news.

I will do my best to keep it as up to date as possible. My computer has just crashed and my schedule is very weird for now, but I will try my damnedest to let you know the next time Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears gets wasted and passes out at a party. Some of you will prefer this format to the email, and others vice versa. We'll just have to give it a trial run and see which works best. I'm hoping this format will bring more readers, and if wishes really do come true... more money. Hence the cutesy name.

Expect to see pictures, links, and of course, my own personal twist on current pop culture events. Also, expect to see mistakes as I am very new to this process. Keep the positive comments and advice flowing. I like to hear your feedback, but please no grammar corrections or anything to that likeness. I figured this method would keep your inbox clear on the days I send out emails...unless you liked the distraction at work!

Anywho, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. I deeply appreciate all of you spreading the word about the email, and I hope you will spread the word about the blog. So much has happened while I have been rambling, so please to enjoy... The Pop Guru Blog!!