Dennis Quaid Files Lawsuit, Britney Spears Almost Edged Out, and Another Nose Job

Dennis Quaid and his wife Kimberly filed a lawsuit for $50,000 today against the makers of Heparin. Their newborn twins were accidentally given large quantities of the blood thinner in which they "suffered and will continue to suffer injuries of a pecuniary nature." The babies, Zoe Grace and Thomas Boone, are now at home with their parents.

- Britney Spears almost skipped out on her $500,000 shoot for her song "Pieces of Me". Her record company, Jive Records, expected something like this might happen so they told newcomer Samantha Jade to be on call to use the shoot for her "Eyes on Me" single. However when Brit Brit got wind of this, she hauled her ass down to the shoot and managed to pump out a video. I guess the only thing that will make Britney live up to her promises is the promise that a hotter, younger popstar is going to steal her spotlight.

- Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony had a scare yesterday when a suspicious individual wearing a Star Wars t-shirt with a bunch of cds rang their doorbell and left a package on their doorstep. Cops determined the individual wasn't a threat and he was not arrested. The Anthonys were not at home during the incident.

- High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale got herself a new schnoz last Friday, citing a "deviated septum" as the only reason for the plastic surgery. Mmmhmmmm....

- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will perform during the Super Bowl halftime show on February 3.

- Christina Aguilera supposedly wants to name her baby boy Jackson Jake Bratman and call him "J.J." I'm not a fan...

- "Gossip Girl" Leighton Meester is denying reports that she and costar Chace Crawford cozying up offset, but she admits the two are "really close."

- No more Sex and the City: The Movie pictures for you! The cast had an official wrap party at the Royalton Hotel. What will Sarah Jessica Parker do next? Better yet, what will Kim Cattrall do? Hopefully she won't be forced to star in Ice Princess 2: Cold as Ice.

- Patrick Dempsey: Fashion Model? Dempsey has been chosen to be the new model for Versace's spring/summer collection.

- Bill Clinton has a thing for Penelope Cruz.

- Sarah Michelle Gellar may have lost her role as Alice in a live-action sequel to Alice in Wonderland to Maggie Grace from "Lost".

Photo: WireImage

Britney Spears' Tragic Family Secrets

We have been duped. Britney Spears promised us she wouldn't swipe her V-card until she got married, only to reveal she had already slept with Justin Timberlake. Now Us Weekly is revealing that Britney actually did the deed with her first love, Reg Jones, when she was only 14.

Us is also unveiling a terrible secret family history of the Spears family. Her paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, committed suicide at the age of 31. She had given birth to a boy eight years earlier who passed away after only three days and took her life by shooting herself in the chest on his grave. Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before this. She left behind four children, including Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, and two other boys that ended up homeless with criminal records. All this and more in the new issue that hits newsstands Wednesday.

- Awww, isn't Nicole Richie just the sweetest? She's donating all of her baby gifts to 100 needy families.

- Simon Cowell revealed that he has had Botox. Thank you for letting us know, Captain Obvious.

- Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized with a kidney infection on Monday. Not that I'm jumping to any conclusions, but do you know what can cause a kidney infection? A little too much lovin', that's what.

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers filed a lawsuit against Showtime on Monday for violating a federal trademark law. The band's 1999 album "Californication" was "the signature CD, video and song of the band's career. For some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right." The lawsuit calls for Showtime to stop using the name as the title of their show starring David Duchovny and give the band any profits made on the show.

- Bill Nye "The Science Guy" has filed a restraining order against his wife, who he claims tried to poison him. Wait a minute... I haven't seen ol' Bill Nye for years, and all of the sudden he turns up on "America's Most Smartest Model" and someone tried to kill him? What a comeback! Meet the new Brad Pitt, ladies and gents.

- The inquest into the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, finally began on Monday. Daniel died in a Bahamas hospital three days after his mom gave birth to sister Dannielynn on September 10, 2006.

- "The Bachelor" Brad Womack is still very much a bachelor...

- What did you think of the "Weeds" season finale? I don't know what to think! I don't want to reveal too much for those who DVRed it, but I was a bit perplexed by the ending. Hence the term "cliffhanger." Will Nancy and Conrad ever end up happily ever after? Maybe in Pittsburgh? I guess we will have to wait until next year to find out!

Photo: Us Weekly

Nicole Kidman Testifies, Britney Spears Loses Lawsuit, Kanye West Breaks Down, and More

Nicole Kidman showed up to court today in Sydney to give testimony that she feared a paparazzi chase would end in a car wreck two years ago. She claimed she was "really, really scared" and reduced to tears from the traumatic event. Nicole also said, "I have been pursued many times... I employ people to protect me now. I employ people 24 hours to protect myself because I don't feel equipped to handle things."

- Kanye West broke down while performing his song "Hey Mamma" at a Paris concert. Kanye's mother, Donda West, passed away last weekend due to complications with plastic surgery. He became visibly upset and had to be consoled by members of his band before leaving the stage. He did come back out refreshed to perform an encore of "Stronger" after taking a fifteen minute break to compose himself. Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor that performed Donda's surgery, will appear on "Larry King Live" tomorrow to give his side of the story.

- Louis Vuitton has won a lawsuit against Britney Spears in Paris for "bastardizing their logo and tarnishing the company image."

- Just in case you are keeping score, it is now K-Fed: 11, Britney: 0. K-Fed found out he gets the kids for Turkey Day. Britney will celebrate the holiday with the kids on Wednesday. I hear she is having the event catered by KFC.

- Nicole Richie had a Wizard of Oz themed baby shower this weekend with over 90 guests. Richie has yet to confirm the sex of her and Joel Madden's baby, but some guests did bring gifts for a boy.

- Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested yesterday in a Dublin, Ireland airport for public drunkenness and breach of peace when trying to board a plane. He had been told twice by police to calm down while acting in "erractic, abusive behavior" before being arrested. He had been in Dublin to promote August Rush, his new movie with Keri Russell.

- The cast of Celebrity Apprentice is in: Marilu Henner from "Taxi", Piers Morgan from "America's Got Talent", Gene Simmons from Kiss, Stephen Baldwin aka the most insane Baldwin brother (not that there is much of a competition for that title), Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore from "The Sopranos", Omarosa and her horse mouth, and a bunch of other people I have never heard of. Check out the rest of the cast here.

- "Dirty Sexy Money" has been picked up for a full season by ABC. It is the first show to be picked up for a full season since the WGA went on strike November 5.

- The show must go on! The cast of "Saturday Night Live" performed their show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater this past weekend along with the originally scheduled host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo. "Saturday Night Live - On Strike!" featured never-before-seen skits performed live in front of a very small audience. America only got to see a rerun of Brian Williams' hosting gig from a few weeks ago.

- Barney finally gets his slaps on tonight's "Slapsgiving" episode of "How I Met Your Mother".

- A seven-month pregnant Juliana Margulies got hitched to lawyer Keith Lieberthal in Massachuetts.

- Timbaland is about to become a father with a woman who works at his record label, though the two are not together. Page Six reports he will be "involved in the child's upbringing."

- Orlando Bloom and Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr are dating. Who knew?

- Michael Vick surrendered himself to U.S. Marshalls today to begin serving his sentence. His trial was set to begin in three weeks, so now whatever sentence the judge gives him could end earlier than anticipated.

- Serena Williams and rapper Common are rumored to be dating.

Photo: WireImage

Meredith Grey Gets Hitched!

- Ellen Pompeo wed music producer Chris Ivery Friday in a small ceremony down at city hall in New York City.

- Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon spent a cozy weekend together in Napa Valley. I still don't believe these two are dating. I may be blinded by my love for him, but I just don't think it's true.

- Brace yourselves... Here is some disgusting gossip. Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis showed up to the Frederic Fekkai Salon on Saturday to get a haircut. His hair was so greasy that the stylists put gloves on to wash and cut his hair. A source told Page Six, "[Davis] was really out of it, sweating profusely." Ugh, that is just sick! I guess he is just living up to his nickname, but at some point this dude must take a shower.

- Jon Bon Jovi's next career move might be a run for New Jersey Governor. I can just see the campaign now: "Whoooaa Livin' on a prayer. Take my hand. We'll make it, I swear, ooohh WHOA! - Vote Jon Bon Jovi, Governor of New Jersey."

- Kevin Federline has requested another emergency hearing as a result of Britney's recent reckless driving, running a red light with their kids in the car. In related news, Britney might be addicted to lipo. Maybe if she held off on those five trips a day to Starbucks, she might not have to get lipo so much.

- Nancy Grace has been hospitalized due to complications from her pregnancy. She gave birth to twins on November 4.

- Ellen Degeneres will not tape in NYC next week. It's a shame because she always puts on a good show in the Big Apple. Could this have anything to do with that scathing letter she received from the Writers Guild of America, East?

- Entertainment Weekly announced their 100 Greatest TV Icons of All Time this week. Go here to see the full list. I'm a little disappointed that Roseanne didn't make the top ten (she was 11), but here are the top ten anyway:

1. Johnny Carson
2. Lucille Ball
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Bill Cosby
5. Walter Cronkite
6. Carol Burnett
7. Mary Tyler Moore
8. Jerry Seinfeld
9. Homer Simpson
10. Dick Clark

Photo: WireImage

Weekend Roundup

In sad news this week, Kanye West's mother, Donda West, passed away Saturday. She died as the result of complications with cosmetic surgery, her publicist confirmed to CNN today. Donda was chairwoman of Chicago State University's English department before leaving her post to become Kanye's manager in 2004. She also served as chairwoman of the Kanye West Foundation, an educational nonprofit helping decrease dropout rates and improve literacy. Donda recently released a book entitled Raising Kanye: Life Lessons from the Mother of a Hip-Hop Star.

- Britney Spears may have failed a drug test. I no longer know if I'm reporting on Britney or Anna Nicole Smith. UPDATE: The cause of the failed drug test was prescription drugs. A Britney source told TMZ, "The only thing that comes on the results are the prescriptions, that the court doctor prescribed. There has been no illegal drugs or even alcohol in any of the test results."

- Britney's new album "Blackout" is losing the top spot on the charts mighty fast.

- Elisabeth Hasselbeck gave birth to a baby boy this weekend, whose name she will reveal today when she calls into "The View". UPDATE: Elisabeth announced she and husband Tim Hasselbeck named their son Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck.

- Christina Aguilera had a blue-themed baby shower this weekend. And what would any baby shower be without a perfomance by a few drag queens?


- Angelina Jolie's leather pants began to split this weekend at the London premiere of Beowulf. But not to worry, Brad Pitt shielded the split by putting his hand on her ass.

- Does pregnancy cause your hair to thin out? Nicolette Sheridan reportedly asked her costars this question, prompting rumors that she might be preggers.

- News of the World is reporting that Chelsy Davy has dumped Prince Harry.

- Kate Hudson might be dating Heath Ledger these days. I can't keep up with her love life.

- Alicia Keys is glad she listened to her mama. She first chose her stage name to be Alicia Wild, which her mother told her made her sound like a stripper. Well, anything is better than her real name... Alicia Augello-Cook.

- A woman got so excited upon seeing Jessica Simpson at NYC's Waverly Inn restaurant last week that she "gets up and runs through the crowd to get a peek." But instead of catching up to Simpson, the woman fell over onto a table knocking it over, sending plates and glasses flying, and then she finally landed near the fireplace. I know what you are thinking... No, it wasn't me. I swear!

Photos: WireImage

Pictures Galore!

It's kind of a slow news day in the celebrity world... Well, except Britney Spears running a red light with her children and a court-appointed monitor in the car. Somebody just commit her already!

Since I'm a member over at WireImage now, I get to scour through lots of pictures of celebrities attending premieres, parties, galas, and the occasional paparrazi stakeout on the street. I feel like sharing the wealth today so several posts are to follow of pictures of glamourous celebs attending glamorous events.

First up...

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at the premiere of Lions for Lambs (which is getting shiteaous reviews) - Is he trying to force her to be so much like him that he made her get his exact same haircut? Ease up, Tom.

Photo: WireImage

"Nip/Tuck" is back... And so is Pop Guru

Yo yo yo!!! After The Guru's very long hiatus, I'm back and ready to dish!

- The boys from McNamara/Troy are back and have taken up shop in Los Angeles! I can't wait to see what Season Five of "Nip/Tuck" has in store for us. It premieres tonight at 10pm on F/X. Expect lots of kooks and superficial desires. And sex. This is Christian Troy we are talking about. Guest stars this season: Oliver Platt, Bradley Cooper, and...sigh... Rosie O'Donnell.

- Britney Spears just lost custody of her kids again. Honestly, just put that trailer on wheels and head back down south. I've completely lost interest in her life, in the same way Britney has lost interest in her offspring.

- "The Hills" had their special Big Apple episode last night and I couldn't help but notice a moonlight dinner at Da Silvano was absent from the half-hour. Since I scooped them on their filming a couple months ago, I guess they felt the leak was too huge to include in the show.

- Speaking of "The Hills", there has been lots of talk of the show being fake or scripted. Um, duh. That's what makes it so delightful! Constantly wondering if Heidi and Spencer really did accidentally show up at the same restaurant as Lauren or if the producers set it up is all the fun of the show. Among the lies:

1) Heidi doesn't really work at Bolthouse Productions. WHAT?! Are you telling me that she didn't really get a promotion, too?
2) Audrina also doesn't work at Sony BMG.
3) When Lauren goes on the date with Gavin the model, she has on red nail polish. When she gets home, the polish disappears and her hair is magically curlier as she calls Brody.
4) And about that date with Gavin the model... Yeah, the producers got him to ask Lauren out. Here is his interview with Best Week Ever where he dishes all about his time on "The Hills".

- Pregnant Nicole Richie was seen smoking at two NYC restaurants, including Da Silvano. Damn it! I can't believe I missed that! But really, Nicole, bravo on the parenting. I see you've taken some lessons from Ms. Spears.

- Angelina Jolie and Cate Blanchett might be pregnant... Seeing as we haven't even gotten a confirmation from Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez yet, it may be a while until anything is confirmed on this new baby speculation.

- Despite reports that Jay Leno might stick around when his contract is up, Jeff Zucker, head of NBC, says Leno will hit the road and Conan O'Brien will take over "The Tonight Show" in 2009 as originally planned.

- Now Coolio is getting his own reality show? This is really getting out of hand. I totally forgot he even existed. That isn't to say I won't watch...

- I saw Dan in Real Life this week and I highly recommend it. The only thing wrong with this movie is the mere existence of Dane Cook, which is also what is wrong with the world.

- Apparently Fergie thinks she is Jem...



Photo: Getty Images

Inappropriate Pictures of Teens and, of course, Britney Spears

Uhhh... Does anyone else feel like they might be arrested for looking at this photo? I mean, really! I think of Zac Efron, star of Hairspray and Disney movie High School Musical, as a minor... A minor whose six-pack I should not be staring at. I know he is 19, but it still feels very inappropriate since he usually plays adolescents. I can't believe Disney ever let this go to press. Walt is rolling over in his grave at this very moment.


- Kevin Federline filed for primary physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline today. I'm guessing with the latest Us Weekly cover submitted as evidence, he'll take home those kids for good, as well as any kids within a fifteen mile radius of Britney. The latest scandal for ol' Britney is getting wasted and swimming in a hot tub topless while making out with 21-year-old college student Matt Encinias. Britney just gets classier every second. To see some pictures of this sacred moment, click here. Oh, yeah... She crashed into a parked car this week, too.

- Scary Spice Melanie Brown wed boyfriend Stephen Belafonte in Las Vegas on June 6. She kept that relatively secret, unlike her recent love affair with the media regarding baby daddy Eddie Murphy.

- Amy Winehouse is being treated for exhaustion. Because canceling show after show after show can really take a lot of a performer.

- The new Bachelor is "Southern gentleman" Brad Womack from Texas. And I'm absolutely certain ABC will portray him as a smart, well-educated person. That's how every Southerner is portrayed on reality shows. We have so much to be proud of.

- The MTV Video Music Awards nominees have been announced.

- Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton are expecting their second child together.

- Sara Gilbert, better known as Darlene on "Roseanne", gave birth to a baby girl named Sawyer this week. She and partner Allison Adler also have a son, Levi Hank.

- TMZ is counting down the days until Hayden Panettiere turns 18. Time as of this posting: 12 days, 1 hour, 47 minutes, and 29 seconds.

- I totally get what Kate Hudson sees in Dax Shepherd. Guys who wear headbands are such hot commodities...


Photos: Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, Edward Herrera / ABC, INFdaily.com

New Managers, Losing Kids, and Snake Venom

With all of my newfound fame, I guess I have to update more often now, huh?


- Britney Spears got herself a new manager, y'all! Not that anything will help her at this point, but Brit Brit has hired Jeff Kwatinez to manage her career... A man Kelly Clarkson once fired. I wonder what he will propose to save her from entertainment extinction?

- Oops, she did it again. I can't believe I just said that. Britney Spears actually made a smart move for once. Instead of a repeat performance of her now infamous greasy fingers OK! magazine feature, Britney canceled her interview with Allure four times. She did participate in the photo shoot for the mag and will be the September cover girl but since she never took the time to actually speak to the magazine, they are running a cover article with the title “Britney Spears: Tells Us Nothing and Everything.” I guess my mom was right... Silence is golden.

- Paris Hilton got a rash in jail? Are you sure she didn't have that before she turned herself in?

- There have been reports that Madonna may not be able to adopt little Malawian David, who I totally forgot existed. But Madge says not to worry about her expanding brood. “The information regarding the adoption that was reported on Reuters is simply not accurate,” Madonna’s rep Liz Rosenberg tells 24Sizzler.com.

- Turns out Jack Nicholson might have a couple of illegitimate children. Is anyone surprised? This man is known for sleeping with a different woman every day of the week, so I'm sure there's been a couple of accidents here or there. A new unauthorized biography is claiming that Jack has fathered a handicapped son and refuses to accept paternity. In Five Easy Decades, author Dennis McDougal writes that Nicholson is "known 'by most counts' to have one legitimate daughter and five love children". He also says, "There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother's drug abuse... These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans." Abe Somer, Jack's lawyer, tells Page Six, "The allegations of the handicapped son are false and inaccurate. There is no handicapped son of Mr. Nicholson."

- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are about to duke it out in court again. Charlie wants to get rid of those pesky supervisors required during his time with his children, Lola and Sam. Page Six reports that Denise wants another baby so bad, that she even asked Charlie to father a new child. Charlie, however, is engaged to Brooke Mueller. Denise reportedly sent flowers to congratulate the newly engaged couple, but a source claims that Brooke never received any flowers but did receive an emergency call from Denise. When Brooke arrived to meet Denise and the kids, there was no emergency, but there was paparazzi conveniently at the scene. Denise denies this stating, "I did ask both Charlie and Brooke to lunch to see the kids - he hadn't seen them in two weeks - but only Brooke took me up on it. The paparazzi were already following me, as they do every day, and took a picture - and I have the bill for the flowers I sent from Mark's Garden. Brooke even showed my nanny the flowers." I wonder if those flowers stunk of shit like Denise's story?

- In other child custody news, Anne Heche and ex Coley Laffoon have been ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluations to determine who should get custody of their son, Homer. Forget all the legal stuff anymore. Is there a way to just start taking kids from celebrities? Someone should look into that. (Ahem, Los Angeles Child Services - this means you.)

- Justin Timberlake is collaborating with Madonna and... Reba?!

- Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom as a cure for wrinkles? That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard, but I'd probably try it as an alternative to the needles that come along with Botox.

- Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned six this weekend.

- Ah, election time. Rock the Vote, but remember it's your choice to keep your vote private. Or you can just be like celebrities and make your donations very well known. Below is a list of the political candidates and who is supporting them (and what some donated).

Team Obama: Jennifer Aniston ($2300), Halle Berry ($2300), Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, George Clooney, Tyra Banks
Team Clinton: Martha Stewart ($4600), Donald Trump Jr. ($4000)
Team Giuliani: Kelsey Grammar ($2300), Ben Stein ($750)

- If you've got some time to kill, I recommend watching several episodes of "Clark and Michael". It follows the adventures of Michael Cera (who those of you who are awesome know as George-Michael Bluth from "Arrested Development" and the upcoming Superbad) and BFF Clark Duke as they try to sell their script to the big-wigs in LA, to no avail. The interaction between the two is awkward but lovable and the rejection is hilarious, with one exec telling Michael he lacks appeal to audiences because of his lack of a jaw. The episodes are online though, so be prepared to spend some time in front of your computer. The opening credits themselves are pretty hysterical and so 80's, making that alone worth the first few minutes.

- This t-shirt is at the top of my birthday list...



Photos: Thesuperficial.com; shop.hasselhoff.com.

Where art thou, La Lohan?

Nicole Richie will serve her four days, if that, at the same Lynwood jail Paris Hilton stayed at. And she's finally claiming her baby, telling Diane Sawyer that she is four months along and daddy is Joel Madden. And in totally unrelated news, the ladies on "The View" discussed today how to tell your child they were an accident. No, I am not kidding. Why do you ask?

- Speaking of "The View", the new bland panelist is Whoopi Goldberg. Fun fact of the day: Did you know Whoopi had her own talk show back in the '90s? It only lasted one season, so I don't think Whoopi related to the masses. Don’t you know you have to be a lesbian to make a solo talk show soar, Whoopi? Rosie did it, Ellen did it, Oprah did it. Otherwise, you end up with a cancelled chatfest and a broken heart like Tempestt Bledsoe.

- Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced. Who would have thought that Kevin's reputation would be the one getting a boost from divorcing Brit? It's rumored that Britney, ever the example, constantly feeds her kids Doritos and soft drinks. So much that poor Sean Preston's teeth are decaying and yellowing, prompting Britney to ask a dentist about teeth whitener for the child. Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her." She's also been making death threats to the paparazzi. I think the only thing that will save her career at this point is to fake her death. Hey... It worked for Tupac.

- Lindsay Lohan is lucky this week, what with all the insane antics of Britney and the pregnant inmate Nicole. She has been able to hide her car chase from last week quite nicely amongst all the other starlets' news. She is supposedly getting help and her mother Dina is finally by her side. But they are not free from trouble just yet... Dina is being sued for not refunding $400,000 that was lent to her to help her jumpstart lil' LiLo's career all those years ago.

- Maybe Faith Hill and Tim McGraw should get some security at their concerts. At one show last weekend, one fan stole Tim's ring off his hand and another grabbed his, uh, area. Faith was having none of it, and I don't blame her! She told the crotch grabber, "Somebody should teach you some class, my friend."

- Usher's wedding to pregnant Tameka Foster was canceled last weekend. He wanted Jean Georges to cater the affair. She wanted barbecue. With an argument as important as that, naturally the nuptials were called off.

- One wedding that did end in "I do", Steve Martin married writer Anne Stringfield.

- According to Kanye West, "Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now." Well, what the hell am I supposed to call my 20 pound gold and diamond chain hanging around my neck?

- "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison may not have to serve time for his DUI that killed a young man.

- Tension is running high on MTV's "The Hills". Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag "hate each other so much" that they refuse to even promote the show together. They had to shoot promotional photos of Heidi separately and Photoshop her in. I can't wait to see how it all plays out when the third season premieres on MTV August 13 at 10pm.

- Bullocks! I just realized that the season premiere of "The Hills" conflicts with the season premiere of "Weeds"! Sorry, LC, but I have to know what happens to Nancy and Conrad - and all of that pot. "Weeds" also premieres at 10pm August 13 on Showtime, but you can watch the season premiere here. The password is MONDAYS if you don't want to register.

- Those of us who long for our days in frats and sorats can rejoice! abcfamily's "Greek" has been renewed for ten more episodes.

- Dolly Parton has started her own record label, Dolly Records.

- Gary Coleman was arrested for disorderly conduct in Utah this past weekend. Insert "Whachoo talking 'bout, Willis?" reference here.

- I have just one question for you: Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


Can you tell I like "Flight of the Conchords"? Have a fabulous weekend, people!!!


Photo by: Ida Mae Astute/ABC; Us Weekly/Perez Hilton.

Bret and Jemaine, Stephanie Tanner, Farewell to Tammy Faye

My newest obsession? HBO's "Flight of the Conchords", a half-hour show that follows New Zealanders Bret and Jemaine trying to break into the music scene in NYC. "New Zealand's fourth most popular folk parody duo" spend their time finding love, meeting with their band manager Murray, and avoiding their "fan base", a woman named Mel. They spontaneously burst into song, making random observations about the world. In the first episode, Jemaine tells a girl, "You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model... But you'd probably have to keep your regular job." It's random, it's funny, and it airs Sunday nights at 10:30pm on HBO. Check out one of my favorite clips.



Other stuff...

- Britney Spears is going to give OK! magazine all the juicy details about her bald head, rehab, FedEx, and various other things in this week's issue. Mags are going to fly off the shelves and OK! might finally get a little respect in America. Wonder how much they had to pay for that interview?

- What's a blog post without a mention of La Lohan? Sigh. I can't seem to stop talking about her. Lindsay was set to start filming the movie Poor Things when she smashed into a curb and had to go to rehab. The film, costarring Shirley MacLaine, was postponed until Linz made it out of celebrity summer camp. But now the movie has totally sunk and isn't going to be made at all. This was instantly blamed on Lohan's partying ways, but this is not true. Turns out the producers have gone crazy and spent way too much money, bankrupting the movie. Now LaLo is going to dance in a movie called Dare to Love Me. She'll have to learn to tango. We should get some good laughs out of this!

- Jodie Sweetin, best known for playing Stephanie on "Full House", got married last Saturday to a man named Cody Herpin. She didn't invite any of her "Full House" costars to the wedding. How rude. This is Jodie's second marriage. She has admitted to a past daily methamphetamine habit.

- Wow! I almost forgot about Benicio Del Toro. Last time I heard anything about him he was getting nasty with Scarlett Johansson in an elevator. But he's back and he's going to be playing Che Guevara in a new Steven Sodebergh film. Welcome back!

- The reunion of The Fugees is "dead", apparently because Lauryn Hill is too full of herself. Sad. I bet that would have been an awesome album.

- I know none of you care about this, but I'm ecstatic that "The State" is finally coming to DVD! David Wain says it's official that we'll finally get the gang on DVD, but there's no specific release date yet.

- Sad news. Tammy Faye Bakker Messner has passed away after a long battle with cancer. She made a final TV appearance on "Larry King Live" Thursday night and passed away the following day. When Larry King asked Tammy Faye what her fans would remember her for, she jokingly said, "Well, my eyelashes."

I'm sure you all spent your weekend reading the new Harry Potter book. Dorks. Peace out!

Weird Couples and Celebutante News

You just got PUNK'D! That's how I felt when I saw this picture of Kate Hudson and Dax Shepard. Apparently the two are dating. You all know Hudson from How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Shepard from Employee of the Month... No? Did you not see that masterpiece starring Jessica Simpson? Well, he was also on the first season of "Punk'd" and in a Nick Lachey music video. And Dax proves that chivalry is, in fact, not dead as he has removed his sweaty, nasty shirt for Kate to smother her face with. Ahhh... How romantic!

- Lindsay Lohan busted out of rehab last Friday and has made an important decision... Regarding her accessories. LaLo's rep said: "On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served." And first stop out of rehab was, of course, going clubbing. But only "in part", as Linds was only partaking of water and energy drinks. (You can see the bracelet around her ankle in this picture.)

- And in other clubbing rehabilitated starlet news, Britney Spears will host the opening of LAX nightclub next month in Las Vegas.

- Winona Ryder is on the August cover of Vogue and for the first time, she's finally talking about her arrest for shoplifting back in December 2001. She's blaming her five finger discount on too many painkillers. Uh, I thought you were researching a role, Winona? I liked that excuse better.

- Brace yourselves... Paris Hilton is working on a new album. I can't wait!

- Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell were married this last Saturday at a BBQ-turned-surprise-wedding. Surprise - nobody cares.

- Some people do get second chances! NBC has hired ex-"Grey's Anatomy" actor Isaiah Washington for five episodes on their new show "Bionic Woman". There has been a lot of buzz around this show from Internet geeks, but this may ward off many gay viewers after Isaiah's use of the F word back on the "Grey's" set.

- I'm sure to get my Jim Halpert fix when "The Office" returns September 27 with four hour-long episodes! Woo! It will run against "Grey's Anatomy", which will take second place to The Guru and be watched on DVR at a later time. Sorry, Meredith. Maybe you shouldn't whine so much and I would watch you more.

- Apparently Shrek and Fiona have been getting busy after Shrek the Third because there are going to be two more movies in the series.

- Sharon Stone is dating Craig Ferguson, the Scottish host of The Late Late Show on CBS.

- Well, it's about time somebody beat the shit out of Andy Dick! Jon Lovitz was pissed over a comment Dick made about his old friend Phil Hartman a year ago. Dick told him, "I put the 'Phil Hartman hex' on you - you're the next one to die." Lovitz said, "I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women." Apparently Dick is the one who gave Phil's wife, Brynn, cocaine after she had been sober for ten years. And months later, she shot Phil and herself. So when Lovitz saw Dick at The Laugh Factory last weekend, he expected an apology which he, of course, did not receive. He then "picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." I can't say I blame the guy.

- Bridget Monyahan is set to give birth to Tom Brady's baby this Friday, which just happens to be his current girlfriend Gisele Bundchen's birthday. Tension is high and things aren't so great between Tom and Gisele, according to Page Six.

- High School Musical 2 will air on Disney on August 17 at 8pm. I still never saw the first one. I guess I should Netflix it... Strictly for the benefit of Pop Guru.

- Who knew there was such a demand for paternity tests and biracial relationships with redneck little people? "Maury" and "The Jerry Springer Show" have been renewed through 2010.

Photos: Ramey and Splash

Transform Your Mind!

I'm one of those people that will go see a movie even if I think it looks stupid. I want to see it so when people bring it up, I can go, "UGH!! That movie was awful! I can't believe you liked it. I mean, if I have to watch Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time..." But I will see Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time because I will inevitably see her next terrible movie...just to complain about it. It is a vicious cycle, my friends.

Well, this is what I was expecting when I entered the theater to see Transformers. All I knew about it was that there was some cartoon when we were little about cars that transform into robots or something weird like that and the kid from "Even Stevens" who is "the next Tom Hanks" was in it. But I also knew it was supposed to be the biggest movie of the summer, so I figured why the hell not? It'll give me something to complain about. Boy, was I ever wrong! This movie is awesome! Never in a million years did I think robot battles would be something I would be interested in, but it is! The digital work on this film is unbelievable! I actually believed Optimus Prime and Megatron were flying through the sky right at me! I kept hearing about how Shia LaBeouf is going to be the biggest star ever after this movie and I never doubted that fact. But now, I am a converted Shia lover! His comedic timing is priceless. I didn't think this movie would be funny, but it is quite entertaining in both drama and comedy. A dramedy, if you will.

Transformers isn't just for guys, but I will say that, of course, it appeals to men more than women. But seriously, who wouldn't believe that women in the CIA are eighteen and straight out of Playboy? C'mon, you know that's like a requirement to even be considered by the CIA. So if you have nothing to do one day, I highly recommend heading to the cinema to see Transformers. I found it thoroughly entertaining.

But on with the news...

- Us Weekly's cover this week features Nicole Richie and the line "Yes, She's Pregnant!" Sources also say she will be marrying the papa, Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte. This is a pretty elaborate scheme to get out of the slammer if you ask me. Hopefully now she will eat something.

- E! News is reporting that Christina Aguilera is expecting a bundle of joy with her husband, Jordan Bratman.

- Heaven help us... Paris Hilton is taking acting classes.

- The "Sex and the City" movie is back on. Women across America rejoice and break out your Manolos, condoms, and Cosmopolitans!

- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were photographed getting down and dirty in a hot tub in Mexico on their anniversary. Nick had this to say about the scandal: "I was in Mexico with my girlfriend of a year, celebrating our anniversary on a private vacation. It's not like I was caught with a Mexican hooker."

- Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are supposedly getting married Friday (but I've also heard Saturday).

- Johnny Knoxville has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Funny that he is the one filing for divorce. I didn't think any woman could put up with him at all, much less his love of nose candy, broken bones, stapling body parts together, letting alligators bite his nipples, getting hit with paint balls... Shall I go on?

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with... Zach Braff? Huh?! I didn't see this one coming!

- Perez Hilton is reporting that Rachael Ray and her husband, John Cusimano, are breaking up. However, Us Weekly says this rumor is just crap...like Rachael's food!

- Nelly Furtado is engaged to some dude named Demo Castellon.

- And finally, I'd like to explain to Britney Spears that an acting part in a movie is spelled "role". The Little Debbie snack she loves is called a Chocolate "Roll". I can see how she'd get confused... This is what Britney wrote on her website:



Photos: perezhilton.com, Wire Image, Us Weekly, Britney Spears' Website

Fame-Stealers and Jail Terms

- Dina Lohan is trying to steal her daughter's spotlight...yet again. Dina has been hired by "Entertainment Tonight" to interview celebrities as they walk down the red carpet at the Georgia Rule premiere. She wants to launch a high-profile TV career and get Rosie's spot on "The View", but sources say "ET" is just using her to get the Lindsay exclusive during the wake of her recent cocaine scandle. London's News of the World has published pictures of a girl snorting a white substance and claiming it is Lindsay Lohan in a "marathon binge".

- Paris Hilton is pleading with Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her from serving jail time for her crimes. She is also asking her fans to sign a petition to keep her out of that orange jumpsuit. Don't be surprised if you don't find my name on that petition.

- Now this is what I like to hear! A celebrity owning up to their actions! Paris, take notes. George Michael has pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs. He stated, "I am perfectly aware that I did something very wrong . . . and I'm perfectly prepared to accept the correct punishment." He will find out what his jail term will be on May 30.

- It's been a rough week for celebrities. Ty Pennington of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" has been charged with a DUI, along with the rest of Hollywood.

- Brittany Murphy has married her boyfriend, Simon Monjack, after only a few short months. Only nine months ago, she broke off her engagement to Joe Macaluso.

- Katie Couric could be out of a job soon. "CBS Evening News" had record low ratings last week.

- Now you can smell "Dirrty" like Christina Aguilera. She is getting her own perfume.

- If you want to know who wins "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman", then click here.

- Yes! Bravo's "Top Chef" is heading to Miami and premieres June 13 at 10pm.

- For years, I have been hearing how phenomenal "Veronica Mars" is. Well, upon seeing a promo that one of my many boyfriends, Paul Rudd, was going to be on last night, I took the plunge and watched. I came to the conclusion that I haven't been missing much.

- So now the pot has called the kettle "trash". Regarding Britney Spears' rehab relationship with Howie Day, a source says Kevin Federline stated, "You have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.” Britney must have been spending a lot of time in dumps in 2004 when she met you, K-Fed.

TV News and Scientology Weirdos

So happy it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

- We can finally find out what will become of Tommy amongst the flames. "Rescue Me" is officially back with a vengeance on June 12. Woohoo!! Showing up at the fire house this season is Jennifer Esposito, who filed for divorce this week from Bradley Cooper (Wet Hot American Summer). Also back on F/X, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Sounds like a warm and fuzzy show, doesn't it? Well, you couldn't be more fooled by the title. This show has been deemed "'Seinfeld' on crack", and that's exactly what it is. In one show, brother and sister actually decide to try out crack and end up on welfare. No, this isn't a drama. It's a comedy, and it's absolutely hysterical. And totally offensive, so I don't recommend it for the sensitive.

- Matthew Modine will be showing up in Agrestic to stir up some trouble on "Weeds" this summer.

- It saddens me to tell you this, but Stars Hollow will be throwing a farewell party on May 15. The drama of will-they-or-won't-they-renew has finally been answered. "Gilmore Girls" will be finito after this season. For all two of you who watch this show besides me, tune in to the series finale to find out what happens to Luke and Lorelai and if Rory will accept Logan's proposal.

- More TV news... For those of you who are waiting for the DVD to join the nation's latest obsession, "Heroes" will be released on DVD August 28.

- Liv Tyler is going to be playing Betty Ross in the upcoming Hulk movie. Playing The Hulk... Edward Norton.

- Britney Spears performed again last night...for a mere eleven minutes. Well worth the $300 some people paid. La Lohan made an appearance to see Brit mouth the words to her famous songs.

- Kate Walsh, aka Addison on "Grey's Anatomy, is dating Alex Young, a hot shot at 20th Century Fox.

- The battle for Ireland begins today, but Alec Baldwin won't be making it to court.

- "I can see how people wouldn't see this, but when you look at Kate now [compared to] when she first met Tom, she's more confident and more knowing who she is than ever before. You can see it in her pictures. She looks more beautiful and more confident and more assured. I've watched that metamorphosis – how Kate has blossomed into this woman. Because her life changed very quickly, she moved from one person into another." - Jada Pinkett Smith spoke to People about "Kate Cruise" and how she "ain't no little wimpy kitty cat". When I see Katie in pictures, I don't think strong, confident woman. I think she looks sedated. This interview has a rancid, and kind of ghetto, odor of bullshit. Also weighing in on the issue, Leah Remini. She says, "I really don't get it. They're married, they love each other and have a beautiful baby. They do 'weird' things like take care of their kid and go to baseball games." Well, I would believe you, Leah. But seeing as you are a Scientologist and believe that aliens live inside of us, it's a little hard for me to just take your word for it, girl.

She's Baaaaaack!!

Britney Spears performed her first live show in three years last night at the House of Blues in San Diego. The show was not publicized and the venue had "The M&Ms" listed as the performer for the evening. Somehow word got out that it might be a surprise Britney show and tickets went for $125.

Britney opened with "Baby One More Time" and wore a brown wig throughout the show, which only lasted fifteen minutes. TMZ has some of the hoochie-mama footage here.

Hello again!

After a very exhausting weekend, I'm back to Blogger mode! It's going to be a very busy week, but I'll do my best to get you celebrity news as much as possible.

- I'm going to the Tribeca Film Festival this week, because I'm awesome like that. Just like every other New Yorker. But for those of you who can't make it to the Big Apple, you can watch five of the short films showing at Tribeca here. I'm going to see Gardener of Eden starring Lukas Haas and directed by Kevin Connelly, aka E on "Entourage", Purple Violets with Selma Blair and directed by Edward Burns, and I'm also attending a panel called "FAME!: I'm Gonna Live Forever" about how people can be successful at being famous. The last one was too appropriate for me not to go. I'll let you know what the experience is like.

- Ellen Degeneres has thrown out her back and will be doing her shows from her hospital bed on set this week. My two favorites, Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest, will be stopping by during visiting hours.

- Debra Opri, the ex-lawyer for Larry Birkhead, will be teaming with Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff in her battle against hubby David Hasselhoff, aka Mitch Buchanan from "Baywatch". The former couple have basically told the world they hate each other, so this could get interesting.

- Damn it. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, or as I like to call her "that annoying bitch who cries too much on 'The View'", announced she is pregnant. Fan-freaking-tastic. Now we're going to have this forced on us for the next six months until she pops out the kid and takes her maternity leave.

- Speaking of "The View", the battle to replace Rosie has begun. And the top contender... Rosie! As in Roseanne Barr! This is so exciting! Although Roseanne claims she has yet to be approached, I'm begging ABC to make this happen. The other front-runners are Whoopi Goldberg, Connie Chung, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Joan Rivers, all of whom I don't think could be funny enough or stir up enough controversy to keep the dying show on the air. Connie Chung doesn't deserve the spot simply because of this terrible display from the last time someone pointed a camera at her...

- I don't how this is possible, but "Dirt" might be coming back for a second season.

- Looks like "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" is coming back May 24 after a three month hiatus. I really like this show, so I'm excited about this. Although I think it might be on life support.

- Poor New York was dumped by Tango and she's coming back for round two of "I Love New York", which means I am on the edge of my seat until the show comes back. She's having an open casting call if any of you are interested, which I'm sure you are.

- Britney Spears was pulled over for speeding on Friday night. She was slapped on the wrist with a warning and sent on her way. But I have a bigger bone to pick with the cue ball herself. I have to take back this outfit now that you wore it first. Thanks a lot, Brit.

Photo: Flynet

Babwa says, "Peace out, Rosie!"

TMZ has confirmed that Rosie O'Donnell will be announcing today on "The View" that she is leaving the show. I don't know whether to sing "Glory, Glory, Hallejuah" or break down into tears. Will there be no more controversy? Will I never again see Rosie hanging upside down on a swing in rather unflattering spandex pants? Who will replace her? Will Rosie finally beat the tar out of Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Oh, please let that be her going away present!!!

- Happy Birthday to Al Pacino, who turns 66 today!

- The fictional band Spinal Tap from the Christopher Guest crew will perform at Live Aid this summer in London. In other news, I'm thinking of moving to the other side of the pond. They have so many awesome things go on over there. America sucks. All we have is Britney Spears showing her "lady parts" every five minutes.

- Speaking of Brit, Jessica Simpson is trying to pawn off her manager pa, Joe Simpson. Since Britney's career has taken a tumble, Jess seems to think dad Joe can help her out. So this means he will now be going on every show available to talk about how big Britney's boobs are. Only this time it won't be quite as weird because he won't be talking about his daughter.

- Heather Mills can't shake a leg with the best of them. She was sent home last night on "Dancing with the Stars".

- A fire broke out on the set of The Dark Night, the next in the Batman franchise.

- Melanie Brown, aka "Scary Spice", has named her daughter Angel Iris Murphy Brown. She said, "Angel, as she was my little angel through my pregnancy. Iris, as it's my grandma's name, Murphy because he's the dad, and Brown, because I'm the Mum!" Murphy has still not owned up to his paternity.

- Angelina Jolie is trying to change the name of her new child to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. I guess those rumors about the Pitts splitting aren't true.

Picture Source

Guess who is engaged?

- Harrison Ford, 64, and Calista Flockhart, 42, are supposedly tying the knot.

- Britney Spears may have fired her manager, Larry Rudolph, because he has dropped the ball regarding her career. He is the one to blame for the train wreck that was Brit's friendship with Paris Hilton.

- Turns out George isn't so happy at Seattle Grace.

- Lily Allen has cancelled her US Tour.

Queen Killa

Photo by: Tim Graham / Getty; Tim Ockenden / AP
- Prince William and Kate Middleton (who looks just like Lauren Conrad from "The Hills") have split, making room for me to become the future Queen of England.

- Shia LaBeouf, currently in Disturbia and the world's next biggest star, has signed on to play the role of Indiana Jones' son in the upcoming movie.

- Willa Ford will be starring as Anna Nicole Smith in the movie about her life. In a desperate attempt to become her character (and get some attention), she purchased an exact replica of Anna Nicole's pink bed designed by stereotype Bobby Trendy. Trendy will make a cameo in the movie as himself. This sounds like it will be the finest piece of cinema ever made.

- If you gag easily, do not read this story. Us Weekly reports that Paris Hilton and new man candy Josh Henderson of "Desperate Housewives" participated in a "makeout off" Tuesday night at LA club Area. When Paris saw her ex makeout partner Travis Barker snuggling with his rekindled flame Shanna Moakler, both couples engaged in a contest of disgusting PDAs "as if they were trying to one up each other". They are now in search of a sponsor for the contest and are hoping to make it an Olympic event. I'll let you know when tryouts are announced.

- Looking for some uplifting tunes? My new obsession is Mika's album "Life in Cartoon Motion". I highly suggest downloading it. You might recognize the song "Love Today" as the promo song on some of MTV's commercials for their Monday night lineup.

- Quote of the week: "And, like, I saw these magazines, and they said I was pregnant, and like it’s so true. Like, America, believe everything you read because like you’re smart and I’m stupid. Like for real. C’mon y’all.” - Britney Spears