Britney Spears' Tragic Family Secrets

We have been duped. Britney Spears promised us she wouldn't swipe her V-card until she got married, only to reveal she had already slept with Justin Timberlake. Now Us Weekly is revealing that Britney actually did the deed with her first love, Reg Jones, when she was only 14.

Us is also unveiling a terrible secret family history of the Spears family. Her paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, committed suicide at the age of 31. She had given birth to a boy eight years earlier who passed away after only three days and took her life by shooting herself in the chest on his grave. Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before this. She left behind four children, including Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, and two other boys that ended up homeless with criminal records. All this and more in the new issue that hits newsstands Wednesday.

- Awww, isn't Nicole Richie just the sweetest? She's donating all of her baby gifts to 100 needy families.

- Simon Cowell revealed that he has had Botox. Thank you for letting us know, Captain Obvious.

- Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized with a kidney infection on Monday. Not that I'm jumping to any conclusions, but do you know what can cause a kidney infection? A little too much lovin', that's what.

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers filed a lawsuit against Showtime on Monday for violating a federal trademark law. The band's 1999 album "Californication" was "the signature CD, video and song of the band's career. For some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right." The lawsuit calls for Showtime to stop using the name as the title of their show starring David Duchovny and give the band any profits made on the show.

- Bill Nye "The Science Guy" has filed a restraining order against his wife, who he claims tried to poison him. Wait a minute... I haven't seen ol' Bill Nye for years, and all of the sudden he turns up on "America's Most Smartest Model" and someone tried to kill him? What a comeback! Meet the new Brad Pitt, ladies and gents.

- The inquest into the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, finally began on Monday. Daniel died in a Bahamas hospital three days after his mom gave birth to sister Dannielynn on September 10, 2006.

- "The Bachelor" Brad Womack is still very much a bachelor...

- What did you think of the "Weeds" season finale? I don't know what to think! I don't want to reveal too much for those who DVRed it, but I was a bit perplexed by the ending. Hence the term "cliffhanger." Will Nancy and Conrad ever end up happily ever after? Maybe in Pittsburgh? I guess we will have to wait until next year to find out!

Photo: Us Weekly

It's Showtime!

This is it, people! I've hit the big time! Well, big for me. Pop Guru is featured on the "Blog Buzz" page on the official Showtime "Weeds" website!!! I'm ecstatic about the mention! And if you loyal Guru fans continue to tell friends and family, who knows what can happen? First Showtime, next... Internet domination!

Check it out here.

Where art thou, La Lohan?

Nicole Richie will serve her four days, if that, at the same Lynwood jail Paris Hilton stayed at. And she's finally claiming her baby, telling Diane Sawyer that she is four months along and daddy is Joel Madden. And in totally unrelated news, the ladies on "The View" discussed today how to tell your child they were an accident. No, I am not kidding. Why do you ask?

- Speaking of "The View", the new bland panelist is Whoopi Goldberg. Fun fact of the day: Did you know Whoopi had her own talk show back in the '90s? It only lasted one season, so I don't think Whoopi related to the masses. Don’t you know you have to be a lesbian to make a solo talk show soar, Whoopi? Rosie did it, Ellen did it, Oprah did it. Otherwise, you end up with a cancelled chatfest and a broken heart like Tempestt Bledsoe.

- Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced. Who would have thought that Kevin's reputation would be the one getting a boost from divorcing Brit? It's rumored that Britney, ever the example, constantly feeds her kids Doritos and soft drinks. So much that poor Sean Preston's teeth are decaying and yellowing, prompting Britney to ask a dentist about teeth whitener for the child. Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her." She's also been making death threats to the paparazzi. I think the only thing that will save her career at this point is to fake her death. Hey... It worked for Tupac.

- Lindsay Lohan is lucky this week, what with all the insane antics of Britney and the pregnant inmate Nicole. She has been able to hide her car chase from last week quite nicely amongst all the other starlets' news. She is supposedly getting help and her mother Dina is finally by her side. But they are not free from trouble just yet... Dina is being sued for not refunding $400,000 that was lent to her to help her jumpstart lil' LiLo's career all those years ago.

- Maybe Faith Hill and Tim McGraw should get some security at their concerts. At one show last weekend, one fan stole Tim's ring off his hand and another grabbed his, uh, area. Faith was having none of it, and I don't blame her! She told the crotch grabber, "Somebody should teach you some class, my friend."

- Usher's wedding to pregnant Tameka Foster was canceled last weekend. He wanted Jean Georges to cater the affair. She wanted barbecue. With an argument as important as that, naturally the nuptials were called off.

- One wedding that did end in "I do", Steve Martin married writer Anne Stringfield.

- According to Kanye West, "Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now." Well, what the hell am I supposed to call my 20 pound gold and diamond chain hanging around my neck?

- "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison may not have to serve time for his DUI that killed a young man.

- Tension is running high on MTV's "The Hills". Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag "hate each other so much" that they refuse to even promote the show together. They had to shoot promotional photos of Heidi separately and Photoshop her in. I can't wait to see how it all plays out when the third season premieres on MTV August 13 at 10pm.

- Bullocks! I just realized that the season premiere of "The Hills" conflicts with the season premiere of "Weeds"! Sorry, LC, but I have to know what happens to Nancy and Conrad - and all of that pot. "Weeds" also premieres at 10pm August 13 on Showtime, but you can watch the season premiere here. The password is MONDAYS if you don't want to register.

- Those of us who long for our days in frats and sorats can rejoice! abcfamily's "Greek" has been renewed for ten more episodes.

- Dolly Parton has started her own record label, Dolly Records.

- Gary Coleman was arrested for disorderly conduct in Utah this past weekend. Insert "Whachoo talking 'bout, Willis?" reference here.

- I have just one question for you: Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


Can you tell I like "Flight of the Conchords"? Have a fabulous weekend, people!!!


Photo by: Ida Mae Astute/ABC; Us Weekly/Perez Hilton.

TV News and Scientology Weirdos

So happy it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

- We can finally find out what will become of Tommy amongst the flames. "Rescue Me" is officially back with a vengeance on June 12. Woohoo!! Showing up at the fire house this season is Jennifer Esposito, who filed for divorce this week from Bradley Cooper (Wet Hot American Summer). Also back on F/X, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Sounds like a warm and fuzzy show, doesn't it? Well, you couldn't be more fooled by the title. This show has been deemed "'Seinfeld' on crack", and that's exactly what it is. In one show, brother and sister actually decide to try out crack and end up on welfare. No, this isn't a drama. It's a comedy, and it's absolutely hysterical. And totally offensive, so I don't recommend it for the sensitive.

- Matthew Modine will be showing up in Agrestic to stir up some trouble on "Weeds" this summer.

- It saddens me to tell you this, but Stars Hollow will be throwing a farewell party on May 15. The drama of will-they-or-won't-they-renew has finally been answered. "Gilmore Girls" will be finito after this season. For all two of you who watch this show besides me, tune in to the series finale to find out what happens to Luke and Lorelai and if Rory will accept Logan's proposal.

- More TV news... For those of you who are waiting for the DVD to join the nation's latest obsession, "Heroes" will be released on DVD August 28.

- Liv Tyler is going to be playing Betty Ross in the upcoming Hulk movie. Playing The Hulk... Edward Norton.

- Britney Spears performed again last night...for a mere eleven minutes. Well worth the $300 some people paid. La Lohan made an appearance to see Brit mouth the words to her famous songs.

- Kate Walsh, aka Addison on "Grey's Anatomy, is dating Alex Young, a hot shot at 20th Century Fox.

- The battle for Ireland begins today, but Alec Baldwin won't be making it to court.

- "I can see how people wouldn't see this, but when you look at Kate now [compared to] when she first met Tom, she's more confident and more knowing who she is than ever before. You can see it in her pictures. She looks more beautiful and more confident and more assured. I've watched that metamorphosis – how Kate has blossomed into this woman. Because her life changed very quickly, she moved from one person into another." - Jada Pinkett Smith spoke to People about "Kate Cruise" and how she "ain't no little wimpy kitty cat". When I see Katie in pictures, I don't think strong, confident woman. I think she looks sedated. This interview has a rancid, and kind of ghetto, odor of bullshit. Also weighing in on the issue, Leah Remini. She says, "I really don't get it. They're married, they love each other and have a beautiful baby. They do 'weird' things like take care of their kid and go to baseball games." Well, I would believe you, Leah. But seeing as you are a Scientologist and believe that aliens live inside of us, it's a little hard for me to just take your word for it, girl.