Knocked Up: Halle Berry Edition

Today I was riding the elevator at work and the doors opened to reveal... Chris Hansen of NBC's "Dateline: To Catch a Predator". If ever I had a sensation to wet my pants, it was staring into those eyes that have made even the wiliest of pedophiles shake in their boots. For four solemn floors alone on an elevator with Chris Hansen, I kept thinking, "At what point are the cameras going to reveal themselves? No, little girl, I don't want any of your sweet tea!" I was terrified. Guess I didn't do anything wrong because he never even glanced over at me. Whew!

- Halle Berry is with child after being impregnated by her model beau, Gabriel Aubry.

- In other baby news, Paris Hilton is trying to catch up to Nicole Richie by popping out a few. Only problem: she isn't dating anyone. Please... That's just a minor detail. Paris says, "I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I've got to get my body ready." Perhaps you should just adopt Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis. I've heard he's in need of some money.

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with the "I'm a Mac" guy Justin Long. That's a weird combo.

- Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have split after three unexciting years together.

- Jenna Fischer, aka Pam from "The Office", and her husband James Gunn have split after six years together.

- Commercials for the DVD release of Georgia Rule are airing minus one important component... Lindsay Lohan. She has been erased from the commercial, I'm assuming to help sales. Do you mind erasing the horrible memory I have of going to see this terrible train wreck of a movie? Don't believe the hype, people. They advertise it as a hysterical family romp - but it has a more depressing, pedophilia vibe to it. Steer clear, my friends. Heed my warning!

- Poor Owen Wilson. He has had a rough couple of weeks. The National Enquirer is now reporting that he has attempted suicide twice before his most recent effort. And his family is trying to keep Kate Hudson as far away from him as possible, and I can't say that I blame them.

- "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" starts next Thursday, September 13, on F/X at 10PM. Make sure you tune in! It's awesome, and wrong, but totally awesome!

I must now pack for the weekend and get some sleep!!

Photo: MSNBC

Britney in rehab...and out again

Britney Spears officially entered a Los Angeles rehab called Promises yesterday, as confirmed by her manager Larry Rudolph. But now, she's out again. Spears checked out of Promises today and tried to hit another tattoo parlor on her way home, but much to her dismay, it was closed. She must have been on one hell of a drinking binge to have done this twice in one week.

OK! Magazine is reporting that Kevin Federline threatened to have Britney's hair tested to see what she has been up to. He could possibly be testing the hair to see what kind of illegal drugs she has been using, as evidence in a custody battle. But Brit had the last laugh as she cut it all off to prevent her drug use being found out. Good move, Britney. However, I don't think jumping from rehab to rehab really helps your case any.

In other news...

- Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are supposedly expecting a baby. She was seen at Pastis this weekend "looking visibly pregnant". Sources say they plan to secretly marry in a similar fashion to Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams. Heath is Naomi's ex-boyfriend.

- Hania Barton, the 19-year-old sister of Mischa Barton, has entered rehab because of her addiction to prescription painkillers. Since Mischa's fifteen minutes have come and gone and I've never even heard of Hania, I'm not sure why this is news. But I thought I would pass it along anyway.

- There is a shortage of eye liner throughout America. Why? Because Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro are officially divorced, and he wants to impress you ladies.

- Lindsay Lohan has been seen partying with Steve-O of Jackass fame. I'm not sure that hanging out with a known drug addict right after you get out of rehab is the smartest move in the world, but I guess you've got to get your contact high somehow.

- Heather Mills (Paul McCartney's ex) will be appearing on Dancing with the Stars. Sad...does she need money that badly? She will be the show's first disabled performer (she lost her leg in a motorcycle accident). There are 11 other competitors, but the people I have heard of are: Ian Ziering, Vincent Pastore from The Sopranos, Leeza Gibbons, Joey Fatone of N'Sync, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Laila Ali, Muhammad's boxer daughter. The rest of the people are athletes or pageant queens, so naturally, I've never heard of them.

- Shit. Now I have to start hearing about this annoying ass couple all the time again. Trista and Ryan of The Bachelorette and the only couple that has lasted from that franchise are having a baby. Fantastic.

- Exes Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady are expecting a child together. The couple broke up in December, and Brady has been dating Giselle Bundchen ever since. Oooh...awkward.

- I have stopped paying attention to all the Anna Nicole Smith hoopla, but the judge says he will reach a decision on what to do with her body on Friday. I hope they have that thing in one hell of a freezer. Gross.

Peace out. Have a good day.