Weird Couples and Celebutante News

You just got PUNK'D! That's how I felt when I saw this picture of Kate Hudson and Dax Shepard. Apparently the two are dating. You all know Hudson from How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Shepard from Employee of the Month... No? Did you not see that masterpiece starring Jessica Simpson? Well, he was also on the first season of "Punk'd" and in a Nick Lachey music video. And Dax proves that chivalry is, in fact, not dead as he has removed his sweaty, nasty shirt for Kate to smother her face with. Ahhh... How romantic!

- Lindsay Lohan busted out of rehab last Friday and has made an important decision... Regarding her accessories. LaLo's rep said: "On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served." And first stop out of rehab was, of course, going clubbing. But only "in part", as Linds was only partaking of water and energy drinks. (You can see the bracelet around her ankle in this picture.)

- And in other clubbing rehabilitated starlet news, Britney Spears will host the opening of LAX nightclub next month in Las Vegas.

- Winona Ryder is on the August cover of Vogue and for the first time, she's finally talking about her arrest for shoplifting back in December 2001. She's blaming her five finger discount on too many painkillers. Uh, I thought you were researching a role, Winona? I liked that excuse better.

- Brace yourselves... Paris Hilton is working on a new album. I can't wait!

- Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell were married this last Saturday at a BBQ-turned-surprise-wedding. Surprise - nobody cares.

- Some people do get second chances! NBC has hired ex-"Grey's Anatomy" actor Isaiah Washington for five episodes on their new show "Bionic Woman". There has been a lot of buzz around this show from Internet geeks, but this may ward off many gay viewers after Isaiah's use of the F word back on the "Grey's" set.

- I'm sure to get my Jim Halpert fix when "The Office" returns September 27 with four hour-long episodes! Woo! It will run against "Grey's Anatomy", which will take second place to The Guru and be watched on DVR at a later time. Sorry, Meredith. Maybe you shouldn't whine so much and I would watch you more.

- Apparently Shrek and Fiona have been getting busy after Shrek the Third because there are going to be two more movies in the series.

- Sharon Stone is dating Craig Ferguson, the Scottish host of The Late Late Show on CBS.

- Well, it's about time somebody beat the shit out of Andy Dick! Jon Lovitz was pissed over a comment Dick made about his old friend Phil Hartman a year ago. Dick told him, "I put the 'Phil Hartman hex' on you - you're the next one to die." Lovitz said, "I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women." Apparently Dick is the one who gave Phil's wife, Brynn, cocaine after she had been sober for ten years. And months later, she shot Phil and herself. So when Lovitz saw Dick at The Laugh Factory last weekend, he expected an apology which he, of course, did not receive. He then "picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." I can't say I blame the guy.

- Bridget Monyahan is set to give birth to Tom Brady's baby this Friday, which just happens to be his current girlfriend Gisele Bundchen's birthday. Tension is high and things aren't so great between Tom and Gisele, according to Page Six.

- High School Musical 2 will air on Disney on August 17 at 8pm. I still never saw the first one. I guess I should Netflix it... Strictly for the benefit of Pop Guru.

- Who knew there was such a demand for paternity tests and biracial relationships with redneck little people? "Maury" and "The Jerry Springer Show" have been renewed through 2010.

Photos: Ramey and Splash

Who would have thought money (or a fake illness) could get you out of trouble?

During the time I've been slacking off, Paris Hilton has gone to jail, faked an illness to get out of jail, and is now going back to court to possibly return to jail. And I thought I had a busy week! Paris turned herself in on Sunday evening in a way only Paris could...going to jail straight from the MTV Movie Awards. But she didn't forget her swag bags!!

TMZ reported, "Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head." I wish I could get out of things just by telling people the weird issues I have in my head. I'd claim mental instability any day to get out of manual labor. Paris, always the lady, politely thanked "the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes." So...Paris was put on house arrest and sent on her merry way. I just hope she got a driver this time.

Buuuttt... Now Paris might be headed back to the slammer. This is like a trial gone awry on "Days of Our Lives". The judge that sentenced Paris to the clink the first go-round is ordering her back to a LA courtroom tomorrow to determine how she should serve the rest of her sentence. Because it was the Sheriff that let her off the hook, the judge and the district attorney are pissed that they were not consulted on the issue. Thus, the reason for the hearing tomorrow. Poor Paris. This morning she thought she would be spending the remaining 40 days of her sentence watching reruns of "The Simple Life" on E! Now Paris might be spending that time back in the slammer... I don't know which is worse.

Here is some other really important stuff that has been going on recently:

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke, has officially been fired from "Grey's Anatomy". Who will Yang sleep with to get to the top now? Isaiah got the call today that he will not be returning to Seattle Grace. He was fired "due only in part to [his] onset troubles and was a result of a 'pattern of problematic behavior'." Washington had this to say: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Hmm... Is referencing the movie Network supposed to mean something?

- Jennifer Aniston's mystery man was revealed as 36-year-old British model Paul Sculfor. The two dined and held hands during Memorial Day weekend.

- Dina Lohan is finally visiting Lindsay in rehab. It only took ten days.

- Speaking of La Lohan, some strange pictures of Linz and Vanessa Minnillo surfaced on the Internet the other day of the two holding a knife and fake stabbing each other in a slutty, S&M way. Sources are saying it could hurt Vanessa's career. Lindsay's already done enough damage to sink her career, so there's no worries there.

- You know how women breastfeed in public and other women say things like, "How beautiful!" or "Look at that cute little baby!" In case you haven't figured this out yet, I'm not one of those women. I encountered an issue at one of my jobs that my bathroom schedule happened to coincide with one woman's breastfeeding schedule. Now, the whirring sound of a breast pump is enough to send me screaming down the hallway whilst pulling my hair out in horror. Well, Maggie Gyllenhaal was spotted breastfeeding in NYC the other day. Thank goodness I was nowhere around. I warn you: view this link with caution.

- Speaking of babies, Baby Borat is on the way. Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher are pregnant with their first child.

- Sarah Jessica Parker's new cost-conscious fashion line "Bitten" debuted today at Steve & Barry's stores across America. If you've actually ever seen a Steve & Barry's, then check it out!

- Larry and Laurie David have split after fourteen years of cynicism and environmental awareness.

- Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi went to rehab today.

- DVDs out this week: "Rescue Me: Season Three", "Seinfeld: Season Eight", "The Cosby Show: Seasons Three and Four". Load up on TV DVDs for lazy summer days.

Now I'm exhausted from the celebrity overload so I'm hitting the hay. Peace.

Happy Birthday, Suri!

Photo: Vanity Fair

It has been one year since the birth of Suri Cruise (or if you believe the rumors, almost two years). No birthday party plans have been revealed yet. The world's youngest celebutante is sure to have a fabulous affair, most likely in Shreveport, LA, where mother Katie Holmes is currently filming her first movie since she signed her life away/met Tom Cruise. It is called Mad Money and costars Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. Well, Happy Birthday, Suri! Don't choke on your silver spoon.

- Why even get out of bed in the morning? Without Lindsay Lohan by your side, that is. The egomaniac tells Allure, "When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me." If you are such a great protector, then what does everyone do while you party all night, go to rehab, and basically only focus on one thing... Lindsay. Newsflash... The world doesn't revolve around you.

- Richard Gere is on fire in India. The people of India are outraged after he dipped Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty and kissed her on the hand and cheek. Public displays of affection are not welcomed in India and his actions have been considered extremely offensive. People have been burning photos of Gere in protest.

- Paris Hilton goes to court on May 4 for her driving violations.

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke on "Grey's Anatomy", will play a sexually abused Catholic priest in an upcoming movie, The Least of These.

- Adam McKay, father of nasty landlord Pearl, had an interview with People regarding the hilarious video that has been all over the place recently.

- Kristin Cavallari is selling herself for cash. The reality star has been pushing herself on clubs in LA. They pay her for appearances, hoping to bring in more customers. Now she is peddling her 21st birthday party. I guess you have to make the rent somehow.

- Don't ever wear this again...



Photo: NEILL J. SCHUTZER/ Ramey