Transform Your Mind!

I'm one of those people that will go see a movie even if I think it looks stupid. I want to see it so when people bring it up, I can go, "UGH!! That movie was awful! I can't believe you liked it. I mean, if I have to watch Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time..." But I will see Cameron Diaz shake her ass one more time because I will inevitably see her next terrible movie...just to complain about it. It is a vicious cycle, my friends.

Well, this is what I was expecting when I entered the theater to see Transformers. All I knew about it was that there was some cartoon when we were little about cars that transform into robots or something weird like that and the kid from "Even Stevens" who is "the next Tom Hanks" was in it. But I also knew it was supposed to be the biggest movie of the summer, so I figured why the hell not? It'll give me something to complain about. Boy, was I ever wrong! This movie is awesome! Never in a million years did I think robot battles would be something I would be interested in, but it is! The digital work on this film is unbelievable! I actually believed Optimus Prime and Megatron were flying through the sky right at me! I kept hearing about how Shia LaBeouf is going to be the biggest star ever after this movie and I never doubted that fact. But now, I am a converted Shia lover! His comedic timing is priceless. I didn't think this movie would be funny, but it is quite entertaining in both drama and comedy. A dramedy, if you will.

Transformers isn't just for guys, but I will say that, of course, it appeals to men more than women. But seriously, who wouldn't believe that women in the CIA are eighteen and straight out of Playboy? C'mon, you know that's like a requirement to even be considered by the CIA. So if you have nothing to do one day, I highly recommend heading to the cinema to see Transformers. I found it thoroughly entertaining.

But on with the news...

- Us Weekly's cover this week features Nicole Richie and the line "Yes, She's Pregnant!" Sources also say she will be marrying the papa, Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte. This is a pretty elaborate scheme to get out of the slammer if you ask me. Hopefully now she will eat something.

- E! News is reporting that Christina Aguilera is expecting a bundle of joy with her husband, Jordan Bratman.

- Heaven help us... Paris Hilton is taking acting classes.

- The "Sex and the City" movie is back on. Women across America rejoice and break out your Manolos, condoms, and Cosmopolitans!

- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were photographed getting down and dirty in a hot tub in Mexico on their anniversary. Nick had this to say about the scandal: "I was in Mexico with my girlfriend of a year, celebrating our anniversary on a private vacation. It's not like I was caught with a Mexican hooker."

- Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are supposedly getting married Friday (but I've also heard Saturday).

- Johnny Knoxville has filed for divorce after twelve years of marriage. Funny that he is the one filing for divorce. I didn't think any woman could put up with him at all, much less his love of nose candy, broken bones, stapling body parts together, letting alligators bite his nipples, getting hit with paint balls... Shall I go on?

- Drew Barrymore has been seen making out with... Zach Braff? Huh?! I didn't see this one coming!

- Perez Hilton is reporting that Rachael Ray and her husband, John Cusimano, are breaking up. However, Us Weekly says this rumor is just crap...like Rachael's food!

- Nelly Furtado is engaged to some dude named Demo Castellon.

- And finally, I'd like to explain to Britney Spears that an acting part in a movie is spelled "role". The Little Debbie snack she loves is called a Chocolate "Roll". I can see how she'd get confused... This is what Britney wrote on her website:



Photos: perezhilton.com, Wire Image, Us Weekly, Britney Spears' Website

Who would have thought money (or a fake illness) could get you out of trouble?

During the time I've been slacking off, Paris Hilton has gone to jail, faked an illness to get out of jail, and is now going back to court to possibly return to jail. And I thought I had a busy week! Paris turned herself in on Sunday evening in a way only Paris could...going to jail straight from the MTV Movie Awards. But she didn't forget her swag bags!!

TMZ reported, "Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head." I wish I could get out of things just by telling people the weird issues I have in my head. I'd claim mental instability any day to get out of manual labor. Paris, always the lady, politely thanked "the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes." So...Paris was put on house arrest and sent on her merry way. I just hope she got a driver this time.

Buuuttt... Now Paris might be headed back to the slammer. This is like a trial gone awry on "Days of Our Lives". The judge that sentenced Paris to the clink the first go-round is ordering her back to a LA courtroom tomorrow to determine how she should serve the rest of her sentence. Because it was the Sheriff that let her off the hook, the judge and the district attorney are pissed that they were not consulted on the issue. Thus, the reason for the hearing tomorrow. Poor Paris. This morning she thought she would be spending the remaining 40 days of her sentence watching reruns of "The Simple Life" on E! Now Paris might be spending that time back in the slammer... I don't know which is worse.

Here is some other really important stuff that has been going on recently:

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke, has officially been fired from "Grey's Anatomy". Who will Yang sleep with to get to the top now? Isaiah got the call today that he will not be returning to Seattle Grace. He was fired "due only in part to [his] onset troubles and was a result of a 'pattern of problematic behavior'." Washington had this to say: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Hmm... Is referencing the movie Network supposed to mean something?

- Jennifer Aniston's mystery man was revealed as 36-year-old British model Paul Sculfor. The two dined and held hands during Memorial Day weekend.

- Dina Lohan is finally visiting Lindsay in rehab. It only took ten days.

- Speaking of La Lohan, some strange pictures of Linz and Vanessa Minnillo surfaced on the Internet the other day of the two holding a knife and fake stabbing each other in a slutty, S&M way. Sources are saying it could hurt Vanessa's career. Lindsay's already done enough damage to sink her career, so there's no worries there.

- You know how women breastfeed in public and other women say things like, "How beautiful!" or "Look at that cute little baby!" In case you haven't figured this out yet, I'm not one of those women. I encountered an issue at one of my jobs that my bathroom schedule happened to coincide with one woman's breastfeeding schedule. Now, the whirring sound of a breast pump is enough to send me screaming down the hallway whilst pulling my hair out in horror. Well, Maggie Gyllenhaal was spotted breastfeeding in NYC the other day. Thank goodness I was nowhere around. I warn you: view this link with caution.

- Speaking of babies, Baby Borat is on the way. Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher are pregnant with their first child.

- Sarah Jessica Parker's new cost-conscious fashion line "Bitten" debuted today at Steve & Barry's stores across America. If you've actually ever seen a Steve & Barry's, then check it out!

- Larry and Laurie David have split after fourteen years of cynicism and environmental awareness.

- Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi went to rehab today.

- DVDs out this week: "Rescue Me: Season Three", "Seinfeld: Season Eight", "The Cosby Show: Seasons Three and Four". Load up on TV DVDs for lazy summer days.

Now I'm exhausted from the celebrity overload so I'm hitting the hay. Peace.

People's Most Beautiful 2007

Drew Barrymore will grace the cover of People magazine as their Most Beautiful for 2007. Also making the not-so-shocking list, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, Patrick Dempsey, Katherine Heigl, Matthew McConaughey, Helen Mirren, and Pete Wentz (?????????). Pete is the furthest from attractive in my mind, but you all know my distaste for eyeliner on guys. Unless they are dressed like women.

- Vanessa Minnillo will be leaving "TRL" after four glorious years of pushing videos on teenagers. She says, "I don't want to be 48 going, 'Hey kids, now it’s Sean Preston Spears’ video!'"

- Kirsten Dunst is just too cool. She claims she "will never date another actor again." Whatever.

- Beyonce has yanked her album "B'Day - Deluxe Edition" because she is being sued for stealing one of Des'ree's songs. That's what you get for being such a beyotch, Beyonce.

Photo: Stewart Shining

AHHH!!

Photo: WireImage
- Now there's an image I thought I would never see! Liberal basher Ann Coulter and "Good Times" star Jimmie "JJ" Walker showed up together to the TV Land Awards this weekend. Thankfully, the two are not dating.

- Larry Birkhead was seen partying "in between court sessions" and he was "having the time of his life". Hmmmm... If I had just fought an extremely public battle to win custody of my daughter, I think I might be spending time with my child after my victory. But that's just me.

- Apparently the Hogans might be breaking up?? I think he might be mad since she put a red sock in with all of his yellow leotards.

- It has been reported that Vanessa Minnillo is having a bad hair day and wants to hire Jessica Simpson's stylist/best friend/mannequin, Ken Paves. I don't buy this and neither should you.

- Rachel Weisz has dropped out of The Mummy 3 due to scheduling conflicts. I know this movie will probably make a lot of money, but she just gained so much more respect from me.

- Anna Nicole Smith's diaries failed to sell at an auction this weekend. Shocker.