Who would have thought money (or a fake illness) could get you out of trouble?

During the time I've been slacking off, Paris Hilton has gone to jail, faked an illness to get out of jail, and is now going back to court to possibly return to jail. And I thought I had a busy week! Paris turned herself in on Sunday evening in a way only Paris could...going to jail straight from the MTV Movie Awards. But she didn't forget her swag bags!!

TMZ reported, "Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head." I wish I could get out of things just by telling people the weird issues I have in my head. I'd claim mental instability any day to get out of manual labor. Paris, always the lady, politely thanked "the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and staff of the Century Regional Detention Center for treating me fairly and professionally. I am going to serve the remaining 40 days of my sentence. I have learned a great deal from this ordeal and hope that others have learned from my mistakes." So...Paris was put on house arrest and sent on her merry way. I just hope she got a driver this time.

Buuuttt... Now Paris might be headed back to the slammer. This is like a trial gone awry on "Days of Our Lives". The judge that sentenced Paris to the clink the first go-round is ordering her back to a LA courtroom tomorrow to determine how she should serve the rest of her sentence. Because it was the Sheriff that let her off the hook, the judge and the district attorney are pissed that they were not consulted on the issue. Thus, the reason for the hearing tomorrow. Poor Paris. This morning she thought she would be spending the remaining 40 days of her sentence watching reruns of "The Simple Life" on E! Now Paris might be spending that time back in the slammer... I don't know which is worse.

Here is some other really important stuff that has been going on recently:

- Isaiah Washington, aka Dr. Burke, has officially been fired from "Grey's Anatomy". Who will Yang sleep with to get to the top now? Isaiah got the call today that he will not be returning to Seattle Grace. He was fired "due only in part to [his] onset troubles and was a result of a 'pattern of problematic behavior'." Washington had this to say: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Hmm... Is referencing the movie Network supposed to mean something?

- Jennifer Aniston's mystery man was revealed as 36-year-old British model Paul Sculfor. The two dined and held hands during Memorial Day weekend.

- Dina Lohan is finally visiting Lindsay in rehab. It only took ten days.

- Speaking of La Lohan, some strange pictures of Linz and Vanessa Minnillo surfaced on the Internet the other day of the two holding a knife and fake stabbing each other in a slutty, S&M way. Sources are saying it could hurt Vanessa's career. Lindsay's already done enough damage to sink her career, so there's no worries there.

- You know how women breastfeed in public and other women say things like, "How beautiful!" or "Look at that cute little baby!" In case you haven't figured this out yet, I'm not one of those women. I encountered an issue at one of my jobs that my bathroom schedule happened to coincide with one woman's breastfeeding schedule. Now, the whirring sound of a breast pump is enough to send me screaming down the hallway whilst pulling my hair out in horror. Well, Maggie Gyllenhaal was spotted breastfeeding in NYC the other day. Thank goodness I was nowhere around. I warn you: view this link with caution.

- Speaking of babies, Baby Borat is on the way. Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher are pregnant with their first child.

- Sarah Jessica Parker's new cost-conscious fashion line "Bitten" debuted today at Steve & Barry's stores across America. If you've actually ever seen a Steve & Barry's, then check it out!

- Larry and Laurie David have split after fourteen years of cynicism and environmental awareness.

- Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi went to rehab today.

- DVDs out this week: "Rescue Me: Season Three", "Seinfeld: Season Eight", "The Cosby Show: Seasons Three and Four". Load up on TV DVDs for lazy summer days.

Now I'm exhausted from the celebrity overload so I'm hitting the hay. Peace.

Kids, kids, and more kids...

Hello all! I hope you've been enjoying the freakish weather. 70 degrees and beautiful one day, and snowstorm the next. I think we need to consult Al Gore on when the Apocalypse will be coming.

- Speaking of the Apocalypse, hell is slowly freezing over as Tori Spelling and her mom Candy have decided to reconcile their differences now that Tori has had her baby. Tori and Dean McDermott welcomed a baby boy named Liam Aaron McDermott, after her late father Aaron Spelling. The family was in awe and shock looking at the baby because they couldn't even remember what a real nose looked like. Don't worry, little one. You'll soon have a new nose, and all your family members will stop pointing and laughing.

- I feel like this blog is one big birth announcement website. Abstinence might not be a bad thing, Hollywood. Salma Hayek is preggers and engaged to businessman Francois-henri Pinault, the CEO of PPR, which owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent. Congrats on all the cool clothes you're getting from this, but I wish you would go back to Edward Norton. And then give me all your old cool clothes.

- Angelina Jolie adopted a Vietnamese child and named him Pax Thien Jolie. Some say the child may even be back in New Orleans with her family this weekend. Angelina adopted him as a single parent because she and Brad Pitt are not married. He will be able to make it official later on, as he did with Maddox and Zahara.

- Johnny Depp's daughter Lily-Rose has finally been released from the hospital and is doing much better after being in the hospital since late February for blood poisoning.

- Maggie Gyllenhaal might be taking Katie Holmes' old spot in the upcoming Dark Night, the newest flick from the Batman Franchise. Out with the psycho zombie, in with the magnificent!

- Maggie's bro and my ex, Jake Gyllenhaal might be playing Captain Marvel in the upcoming Shazam! movie.

- Ellen Degeneres is very pleased after being nominated for twelve Daytime Emmy Awards. She's also being pressured into marriage, supposedly. Sources say Ellen and girlfriend Portia de Rossi may wed in June. Apparently, Portia is ready to make it official and told Ellen after The Oscars that she wanted a real commitment. So, they might marry in June on their ranch while Ellen is on hiatus and then have the summer as newlyweds until the show begins again in August. There are concerns that Anne Heche might show up during the wedding while looking for aliens that belong to her galactic tribe, so Ellen and Portia are working on getting a super tight security system for the event.

- Brit's got herself a new man. I've got high hopes for this relationship to work out since they met at an AA meeting. Jason Filyaw, 33, had already prodouced one of her albums, but then they reconnected at rehab. He says, "I love her. I support her 100% and we are close." We'll have to wait and see what happens with this one...

- In other rehab news, my fav designer Marc Jacobs entered rehab this week. He claims to have relapsed after seven years sober and he is trying to fix the problem as quickly as possible. Good luck, Marc! I think I have an idea that might help you. You know what always makes me feel better when I'm down? Free stuff! Why don't you try it, Marc? Send me a new handbag, preferably the new Stam Quilted Bag in black, and you will instantly feel so much better about yourself! Trust me. It works.

- Eva Longoria (who turned 32 today) says she wants friend Kenny Chesney to play at her wedding. Eva, if you have Kenny play his god awful country music at your wedding, I will not come as a protest to such a dumbass choice. But if you don't let him play... Well, I still won't come because I was never even invited in the first place. Thanks a lot, Eva.

-At The Clothes of Our Back Event last night, Carmen Electra thought she looked damn good...until she got to the end of the catwalk and BUSTED! That might get a couple chuckles, but there's more to come. Alison Sweeney, better known as Sami from "Days of Our Lives", comes rushing to her aid from backstage... and BUSTS it herself! How embarrassing! C'mon, Alison. You should have known better. Sami never would have done that. She would have greased the runway to force Carmen to fall, watch the fall while leering in the dark on the side of the stage, then leave and talk to herself in another room about her next plot for that evil Carmen bitch that stole Austin from her. I think I see a new storyline developing for DOOL. But copy and paste the link below into your browser to see the original catastrophe.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid285859616/bclid294430730/bctid649589151

Enjoy!! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

- Killa

The envelope please...

Hola people! I hope you enjoyed last night's ceremony. I'm exhausted from staying up and watching the entire Academy Awards and some press conferences afterwards, but we all suffer for our art, right? If you couldn't keep your eyes open long enough to see who won, here is a rundown of the biggest categories:

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine (There is a God. So sorry, Eddie.)
Best Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen
Best Actor: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Best Motion Picture: The Departed

The only real surprise for me was Alan Arkin. When I saw Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg come down to present the Best Director Award, I knew Marty had won. Congrats to him, as this is long over due. I thought Ellen Degeneres did an alright job; nothing really had me doubled over in laughter. However, I really did enjoy the singing by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly.

But y'all don't really care about that crap, do you? You want to know who wore the best dresses. Now, what you have all been waiting for.......... Callie's Fashion Coverage of The 79th Annual Academy Awards!!!!!

Best Dressed:

5. Maggie Gyllenhaal in a Proenza Schouler dress - A lot of you will probably disagree with me on this, but I thought it looked great as she walked on stage. And she had the best one-shoulder of the night - a look so many people were wearing and something you can expect me to be bringing back from freshman year of college as well.


4. Cate Blanchett in a Giorgio Armani Prive dress


3. Reese Witherspoon in a Nina Ricci dress (she has been wearing her a lot lately)


2. Jennifer Lopez in a Marchesa dress - I can't stand her and I have no idea why she keeps showing up at these award shows, but I would totally wear this dress...while simultaneously looking fabulous!


1. Jessica Biel in an Oscar de la Renta dress - Who says you can't wear a flashy color to The Oscars?


Worst Dressed:

5. Jennifer Hudson in Oscar de la Renta - Love the dress, but shrug not needed.


4. Nicole Kidman in a Balenciaga dress- We all knew it was wrong when Charlize Theron showed up with her own built-in pillow, so why must you repeat that horror?


3. Beyonce in an Armani Prive dress - I don't like it and I don't like you.


2. Kirsten Dunst - You are not elderly.


1. Anne Hathaway - Like I told Hilary Swank after The Golden Globes, there is absolutely no need to giftwrap yourself for the occasion. You aren't jumping out of a cake.


And The Oddest Couple of the Night Award goes to............................

Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice and Kelly Osbourne - This picture creeps me out. How do either of them benefit from this friendship?


Enjoy! I look forward to your commentary. I have to actually do some work now, people. Peace out.

Killa

Pictures courtesy of People and TMZ.